Apparently, I am male

Why didn't I think of this? The Gender Genie, some sort of textual analysis algorithm, can analyze someone's writing and then assess (or guess) whether the author is male or female. Did I say algorithm? That would be why I didn't think of this.

Anyway, I plugged in my "Monday morning provocation" piece, and here are the numbers: 2232 female, 2314 male. The Genie then pronounced, "The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!"

Just how did it arrive at this thought? It analyzed my use of "gendered" keywords, each of which has a numerical value attached. The "feminine" keywords include: with, if, not, where, be, when, your, her, we, should, she, and, me, myself, hers, was. The "masculine" keywords include: around, what, more, are, as, who, below, is, these, the, a, at, it, many, said, above, to.

As is made obvious by these lists, all women do is write about themselves (me, myself, we) and other women (she, hers). Also, they're bossy (should). And they talk about things that already happened (was) or might happen (if). Men, on the other hand, live in the present (is, are) and are obsessed with directional cues (around, below, above). Men talk about the who and the what, while women talk about the when and the where - more evidence that men are concerned with the important things, while women just dally in peripheral details. No one, it seems, is concerned with the why or the how.

If this isn't conclusive evidence of gendered (or, in keeping with their own pronouncement of me as male instead of masculine, "sexed") writing, I don't know what is. I've never considered myself to be transgendered (non-gendered, yes, but not trans), but now I'm not so sure. If this test says I'm male, I'm just going to have to reconsider.


Postscript: The Gender Genie also settled a long-burning debate that has been raging on the tubes for years. Ann Coulter is male. Hey, I just asked the question. Got a problem with the answer? Take it up with the Genie.

Post-postscript: 2232 vs. 2314. I think that's startlingly close to gender blank.