Saturday, February 17, 2007

What's the opposite of "nether regions"?

My, my, my. I certainly wasn't expecting this. Kinda like I wasn't expecting to see Britney Spears' cue-balled nether regions a month ago. After that (brace for upcoming pun...) flap, I didn't think there was much more the Toxic singer could do to shock me.

But I'll be damned if the girl didn't go and make the drapes match the carpet! That's right, folks. Daring to defy Heidi Klum by being too "matchy-matchy", Britney Spears has shaved her head. When I first read this, I was skeptical. A practical joke, I was sure. Once over my disbelief, though - after all, MSNBC.com wouldn't lead me astray - a more disturbing thought set in: how bad does she look? The image in my mind wasn't pretty. Not pretty at all.

Now, I've been no fan of Britney's style over the years, but I've been especially critical of her look of late. I didn't care about the baby weight, but her insistence on fake blonde hair (and even the brown hair looked bad), too-tight tanks, oversized sunglasses, stupid hats, and the I-just-got-outta-bed hairstyle really inspired acid reflux. Witness:






I know that pointing out all these things is kinda judgy for someone who proclaims not to buy into the Beauty Myth, but someone tryin' to make a career comeback hasta look like she cares. I'm just sayin'.

But even though Britney's style has historically repulsed me, I was sure this would be worse. How could it not be? Not that I'm opposed to women with shaved heads in general - Demi Moore, Natalie Portman, and my friend Jess are examples of women who wore the look very well. I genuinely dig women who have the guts to shave off their femininity and put it out there for the world to see. I just didn't think it would look good on Britney. Britney, the naughty schoolgirl who appealed to pedophiles the world over a few short years ago, the former only-slightly-better half of one of the grossest couples in Celebrityland, the former poster girl for exploitative femininity. Bald was a look I just didn't think she could pull off.

But when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong. And I think I was wrong. The limited footage I've seen of her recent visit to a tattoo parlor makes her look pretty good. I will go out on a limb and even say she looks better than before. Her head has a nicer shape than I was expecting, and the absence of all that blondeness has really brought life to her face. I think she could use a funky pair of glasses to complete the look, but it ain't half bad. Take a look for yourself.




Now, if we could only make her politics match her new look...

3 comments:

Christine said...

I see by her "roots" that Britney is not a natural blonde. I'm shocked! Shocked!

jluw said...

I am told this is a cry for help. Probably so. She has been in a rather sad spiral for some time now.

Gender Blank said...

I just don't get why a woman shaving her head is a cry for help. Nobody said it was a cry for help when she married Douchebag Federline. Or when she popped out two kids so close together. Or when she wore skanky, too-tight clothes. But the moment she shaves off her hair, she needs help. Why is this a bigger deal than her flashing her bald vulva? Could it be because shaving her head is "unfeminine" while shaving her crotch is not?

I'm not saying that Britney hasn't been on a strange path. I just don't understand why head shaving has gotten the most negative attention of all the crazy shit she has done.