The votes are in

So, the completely scientific survey results are in, and it looks like my next profession will be...Circus Performer! I think the same person voted for that seven times (thanks, AP).

So I'm thinkin' if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it right. I don't want to be out there reinforcing gender stereotypes (being blank of gender myself, natch), so I'm gonna have to pick something a little gender-bendy. Somethin' people wouldn't expect. Having only been to a circus once, and on accounta the fact that said circus was assembled on the practice football field on my school lawn and was consequently very small, I'm not exactly sure about all my options here.

As it turns out, there are things called "highly-specialized circus talents" and "less-specialized circus talents." A quick perusal of the talents in each category has left me a little confused. For examle, a stilt walker, which I would guess is fairly specialized, is considered a "less-specialized talent," while bearded lady is considered "highly-specialized." Now, it's true that I haven't met any real bearded ladies in my life (except for Mrs. P), so maybe I just need to get out more. But it seems to me that a genetic predisposition, which is the only listed requirement, is not a talent. And it certainly isn't a "highly-specialized" one. I mean, I am genetically predisposed to sweat a lot, but I don't consider myself talented because of it. If people are going to pay money to stare at the bearded lady, they should be marveling not at her talent but at her courage. It can't be easy to be a bearded lady, what with all the stares, snickers, derision and open hostility I'm sure she faces for not conforming to the feminine beauty standard. It's hard out here for a bearded lady! Due to the fact that I don't have the necessary genetic talent required, though, I'm not gonna become the bearded lady. But I am gonna be her friend.

The other "highly-specialized" talents include trapese artist, tightrope walker, and fire breather/eater. They all sound interesting, but let's face it, folks. I'm lazy. And anything that will require the kind of training it takes to have a highly-specialized circus talent probably just isn't in the cards for me.

Dropping down into the less-specialized tier, we have clown, unicycler, juggler, and acrobat. I've tried juggling. Some wonderful friends of mine tried to help me with a personal goal to learn to juggle by buying me some juggling balls and an instruction booklet. I can get two balls in the air, but that third one gets me every time. I even tried with lemons and avocados when I worked at a grocery store, but it was a senseless waste of food, so I quit. And clown is out on accounta I went to high school with a girl whose life dream it was to become a famous clown. This girl also ate paste and crayons. So I'm thinking if she could be a clown (which she does part-time, I think), it's not really something to be proud of. I have a bum elbow, so acrobat is out, too. But unicycler I think I can do. I mean, I ride a mean bicycle and can even go for a few seconds with no hands. How hard can unicycling be?

If, on the off chance the unicycling thing doesn't work out, I guess I could be a ringmaster. Or the bus driver. I have an office job, so I know I can sit for long periods of time. Plus, I could invite the bearded lady to ride shotgun so we can be BFF.

Anyway, I want to thank all of you who voted for investing time into my future. I really appreciate it. I'll let you know when our circus is comin' to town.