Finish the thought

Phydeaux has tagged me with this meme from pidomon:

I Never...eat at McDonald's...liked reading when I was growing up...wear a thong...thought I'd live in New York...wear navy blue and black together...color my hair anymore because it covers up the gray...slept with a boy...learned to juggle like I promised...sent about eight wedding thank-yous - is eight years too long?

I Rarely...shop at Wal-Mart (and wouldn't ever do such a horrid thing if we had more options in this town)...dress to impress - I leave all the impressing to my winning personality...believe in myself enough...wear makeup - I average about once every two years or so...trust other people enough...leave the apartment on Sundays

I Cry...when people do nice things for other people...when my students make me proud...and when my students disappoint me...at sappy television shows...when my family leaves...when I laugh too hard...more often than a grown woman should...less than I used to

I Am Not Always...straightforward...as patient as I would like to be...as organized as I could be if I spent a tiny bit more time at it...in the mood to joke...fair to people who subscribe to stupid ideologies...a perfect radical feminist...prepared for the things 18-year-olds say...busy like I pretend to be - sometimes I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle

I Lose...umbrellas, like, all the time...packs of gum...pens I really like...touch with way too many people because I put off writing or calling until the point at which it will be too awkward to write or call...weight, every few years or so...hair, unfortunately

I'm Confused...by people who foam at the mouth to try to get poor women to have babies they can't afford and then treat those women with contempt when they need help affording those babies...by poor people who vote for Republicans...by earbuds...by the Burger King giant head...by people who don't ever consider that other people exist in the world...by people who think that Reagan was awesome

I Miss...being uncritical of and excited about Christmas...my nephew, who calls me Meathead...my athletic body...having evenings free...cornfields...Jose Ole mini chicken tacos...good ranch dressing...New York City

I Need...to go back on Weight Watchers...hugs...naps...blogs...students to go the fuck home...crossword puzzles...reassurance...more sleep...financial security...winter boots...to see Bobbi and Rachel...to pee...plenty of lead time if my plans are gonna be changed...to go to the dentist...Phydeaux to kick me in the pants every few weeks

I Should...go back to bed...put more time into about twenty different projects...stop bitching so much...finish The Secret Life of Bees already...fire someone I will probably continue to barely tolerate...be better at confrontation than I am...watch less television...quit eating meat altogether

I LOVE...Tivo...books - reading them, shopping for them, talking about them, looking at them on the shelf...MonkeyPants...animals who snuggle...my family...eating...PhotoShop... newspapers...coffee ice cream...bad 80s movies...being pleasantly surprised...having my faith in people restored by silly things...planning junk...saving money...making people laugh...buying things on sale...nature from a distance...getting up early and then taking a nap before lunch...quiet hours

So, I met my challenge of getting this post up within two days of getting tagged. I won't tag anyone else because I would hate to heap that kind of pressure on you, but I encourage you all to play!

Thanks, Phydeaux, for the kick.

The big trip to the City

So, my family drove out to New York for Thanksgiving week, and we went to New York City for a day and a half. And in that day and a half, I took 349 pictures. Well, actually the first two pictures in the set are of my cat, Ernie, sitting on the computer at home. She was just too much sitting there all cute while I was getting the previous 220 pictures off the camera. Much like she's sitting there all cute as I write this. So, I really only took 347 pictures in the City. But that's nothing to sneeze at. Several of them are blurry as hell on accounta the bus would lurch forward just when I pushed the button. And some are dark because I guess I just don't understand cameras. Even with all the helpful little pictures on the dial. Oh well.

The trip, by the way, was fabulous despite getting rained on. My father and I rode on top of that damned bus in the rain and saw the hell out of that town! I was right when I said a few posts back that the sheer magnitude of the place might be overwhelming. But it was strangely unintimidating. The buildings were effing huge, and there were people everywhere, but I absolutely loved the energy. And I was expecting, on accounta of growing up in Iowa and only knowing what the teevee told me about the place, for people to be walking around guarding their shit. But they weren't. I saw several people who would've made great candidates for a purse snatching, just walking along talking on cell phones with their purses and bags dangling over their shoulders on two fingers. In that sense, it looked just like a regular city. Without the capital C. And it didn't smell nearly as bad as I thought it would. So that was good.

The weather was really an interesting part of the whole thing. It was rainy and cold the day we went, but at 5pm, it got noticeably clearer and much warmer. It was like all those buildings exhaled at quitting time, and the rush of heated air and people out into the streets was enough to warm the place up at least twenty degrees. I went from wearing a winter coat, scarf and gloves at noon to walking around in jeans and a polo shirt at 6pm. It wasn't warm exactly, but it was warm enough.

Oh, Manhattan, Old Girl, how I loved thee, and how sad I am to have to admire you from afar until I save up enough money to be able to step on your island again. 'Cause that's one thing that turned out to be just like the teevee said. You ain't cheap.

Anyway, here are some of my favorite pictures from the trip. And Ernie from the night before.














Ernie














I took this one mostly for my friend Bobbi. It makes me laugh in a very uncomfortable kind of way. You may need to enlarge to see the words in the window to see why.














This is the two-year-old who traveled with us. Effing doll. Other tourists actually took pictures of him with that monkey leash on.



















Central Park. We didn't go in very far because we had a lot of shit to cover in a day, but what we saw was nice.














My favorite tree in Central Park














Just a pretty building somewhere on the Downtown loop














This is where I think all my people were hanging out that day.



















Empire State Building



















Empire State Building looking all Ghostbuster-y



















The last one of the Empire State Building, I promise.



















'Cause no one ever takes a picture of her ass.



I may post some others after I edit them a bit, but we'll see. This is three posts in two days, after all. I gotta work my way back into the routine slowly.

An update on which celebrities I look like

So I uploaded a way more recent picture, and this crop of people seems to be a bit more representative than last time I tried it. Still no Bette Midler, though.

Okay, Smarty

Care about world hunger? Think you have a big vocabulary? Then go here. The very worst that could happen is that you get a vocabulary test. The best that could happen is that you feed the world. With your brain. I have never felt better about knowing words and junk.

Out of the mouths of freshmen...

Here's one for the quote wall:

"Why would I be drinking in my room? I'm in sweatpants!"

I've gotten a solid two weeks of laughter out of that one. So I guess I should be thankful.

Ah, freshmen.

My celebrity look-alikes - WTF edition

All I have to say is...WTF? I haven't even heard of five of these people. Most of them are sorta pretty, two of the people on this list are Asian, and one is Meg Ryan. I look similar to exactly none of them.

You know who I get compared to most often? Bette Midler. Strangely she didn't make the list. Perhaps it was the picture I used. Or maybe it's only because I'm funny and swear like a trucker that she comes to mind when people think of me. It's a mystery (although my mother has been told that she looks like Bette Midler, too, so perhaps it's in the genes).

But Meg Ryan? I mean, come on! People who know what I actually look like have to be scratching their heads on that one.


h/t to Portly Dyke

'Cause Phydeaux said I had to post something...

Greetings, dear readers. Sorry to have left you hanging for, as Phydeaux pointed out, over a fortnight. That is clearly unacceptable, and I apologize.

It's just that this job makes me fucking tired. Dealing with 200 freshmen and their decisions makes me tired. Steering a staff of 19- to 22-year-olds who mostly only care about themselves makes me tired. And dealing with 15 mostly-way-younger colleagues makes. me. tired. But I asked for it, and for the most part I enjoy it, so I should quit my bitching.

What I need is a vacation. And I'm gonna get one in a couple of weeks when all these yahoos go home for an entire week and are replaced by my parents, my sister, and my 2-year-old nephew. We'll be hopping a train into New York City and doing all the typical touristy things (Empire State Building, Ellis Island, Central Park, etc.), red buses and all.

For some reason, it makes me teary to think about me, a fat girl from Iowa, standing in Central Park. I grew up across the street from a cornfield that would fit into Central Park several times over, so the magnitude itself is overwhelming. But even more overwhelming than that is the fact that I grew up across the street from a cornfield. In Iowa. In a town of 979 people. And I'll be in New York Effing City, which always kind of represented "getting out" to me. When you grow up in the Midwest in a working class family, going someplace of the caliber (and distance) of New York City is often a dream but rarely a reality. Aside from my mother, I can't think of anyone else I know from my hometown who has been there. So, perhaps I'm just a country bumpkin, but this is kind of a big deal to me.

It will also be my first time on a train. Apparently I don't get out much.

But until that vacation comes (after which I will need another vacation, natch), I will be putting up with all the usual shit. I got to hear my first alcohol violation cases today (not that we haven't had them, but I am new so I wasn't cleared to hear them before this week), and we had a marijuana bust tonight. By the end of the week I will have chosen two new staff members (from a very weak pool), and I am organizing a mocktail party/winter formal for all the freshmen on campus with a budget of approximately zero dollars. Oh, and some kid put popcorn all over his roommate's shit - under his sheets, inside his pillow case, in his shoes - for no apparent reason. What the fuck is that?

To top it all off, our book club selection went from bad to worse. Instead of The Devil Wears Prada, we're going to be reading The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. Which feels a bit like cheating on real books. Seriously, I feel a little ashamed.

I have a feeling the next alcohol violation will be mine.



P.S. Thanks to Phydeaux for the kick in the pants. Sometimes I need that.