Wednesday, June 20, 2007

My fucking blog rating

What's My Blog Rated? From Mingle2 - Free Online Dating



So, I'm rated 'R' for using "lesbian"* and "suck." Curiously, there was no mention of the eff-word or "assbag" or any of the other colorful phrases I so lovingly craft for my dear readers' pleasure. What the hell do I work so hard for if it's not going to be recognized?

It's kinda like Homeland Security ignoring all my subversive activities. I figure if I'm not on a no-fly list, I'm not doing my job. And if I can't get anything stronger than an 'R' rating on this goddamned thing, I'm just gonna hafta work harder. Please fasten your seatbelts while I ratchet up the vulgar.

Fucking cheers!



*Apparently my very identity is vulgar to some people. Assbags.

Monday, June 18, 2007

All I really need to know I learned from Fraggle Rock



1. There exists a class of people on our society who do all the hard work.
2. There is another class of people who come along and eat that work. And then dance all day.
3. The class of people who do the work is not the class that gets revered; the dancers get their own television show.
4. The Dance Class thinks fat people are ugly and stupid and should be avoided.
5. Be careful of what you throw away. Trash heaps talk.
6. Always plug the holes in your wall. You never know what will come out.


Some of these things are unfortunate but nonetheless true. Some of these things are just good common sense.

Who you rootin' for?

Go here to see how your values and priorities match up with those running (or considering running ) for President of the United States. I was surprised a bit at how mine turned out. Specifically, I was surprised that Al Gore was so far down my list.

This is the second time I've taken this quiz over the last three days. My results were a bit different percentage-wise this time, but the overall ranking is, I believe, identical to the previous ranking. It points to the test not being a perfect metric, as there are only two choices for priority (high or low) and often two opposing choices for answers to the questions, neither of which has much nuance. But the quiz is better than most I've seen, and I encourage its use for entertainment at the very least.

For me, it is making me do some more reading about the candidates, and that's never a bad thing.


My Results:

1. Theoretical Ideal Candidate (100%)
2. Dennis Kucinich (79%)
3. Barack Obama (79%)
4. Alan Augustson (77%)
5. Joseph Biden (71%)
6. Hillary Clinton (70%)
7. Christopher Dodd (68%)
8. Wesley Clark (66%)
9. John Edwards (66%)
10. Al Gore (63%)
11. Bill Richardson (59%)
12. Mike Gravel (59%)
13. Ron Paul (43%)
14. Elaine Brown (43%)
15. Kent McManigal (42%)
16. Rudolph Giuliani (29%)
17. Mike Huckabee (28%)
18. John McCain (25%)
19. Mitt Romney (21%)
20. Tommy Thompson (18%)
21. Chuck Hagel (18%)
22. Sam Brownback (15%)
23. Newt Gingrich (14%)
24. Tom Tancredo (14%)
25. Fred Thompson (11%)
26. Duncan Hunter (9%)
27. Jim Gilmore (8%)

Friday, June 15, 2007

Friday Weigh In, 6/15/07 (The Neighbors Are Evil Edition)

Shit, as they say, happens. And boy did it happen for me the last two weeks. Remember how I said the evil neighbors coerced me into going out to eat Chinese food and then forced a bunch of tasty-but-fatty food into my mouth? Okay, it didn't happen exactly like that, but I swear that's how my memory is trying to recast it.

Anyway, after the Thursday Chinese Episode, all Hell broke loose. We had a combined yard sale that very same weekend, a two-day affair that turned out to be fairly lucrative and concluded with end-of-day dinners out. Pizza the first night. Applebee's the second. And Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast that second day, too. By Monday, we were completely off the fucking wagon. So we just kind of went with it. We travelled to our new town to look at an apartment on Tuesday/Wednesday, and travelling always gives us license to eat horribly. We ate at Arby's, Ponderosa, the Latte Lounge, the Broad Street Grill, Quizno's, and a gas station. But I balanced it all out with a Fuze Slenderize drink on the drive home. Gotta do my part.

Then we played with the neighbors some more on accounta they were fixing to move on Monday, so we invited them up to grill, after which we went to Applebee's for their lava cake. And then a couple days later we had them up to grill again, and to celebrate all of us moving on, I consumed four amaretto sours. And the next night we picked up pizza. Somewhere in all of this, we also had breakfast with them at a local diner.

Not pretty.

I didn't report my weigh-in last Friday because I was embarrassed. Not by the weight, but by the sense of being out of control. It would have been different if all the food had been worth it, but it was mostly crap. Seriously, Combos? Come on. How good can bright orange cheez wrapped in a pretzel be? Meh.

In addition to the Hungry Hungry Hippo eating, we bought a new scale, and it weighs a pound and a half heavier than the previous scale. So not only was I actually heavier from all the food, but the scale read a pound and half heavier than that. So the result looked even worse than it actually was. I didn't feel like explaining it last week, so I just decided to shut you all out. Hope you weren't all left hangin' and shit.

So, what to do now? Well, if the new scale weighed things a pound and a half lighter than the other scale, I was prepared to keep quiet about that and let you think I had actually lost weight over the last two weeks. I'm not proud of that, folks, but it's how I am. But I'm also the type of person who rats herself out after she lies about most things, so I thought I might as well go the honest route to begin with. If I can't be honest with a bunch of strangers (and a few well-chosen and invited friends), well, then I would suck. And I don't wanna suck, so honesty it is. Lucky you.

To adjust for the scale differential, I'm adding a pound and a half to my starting weight. So instead of starting at 212.5, my official starting weight will now be 214.0. And today's weigh-in was 187.1, so that makes...let me see here...26.9 pounds overall. And a gain of 1.6 pounds since the 5/25/07 weigh-in of 184.0 (adjusted for difference in scales).

It hasn't been a good few weeks, but things are looking up. The neighbors got so sick of hanging out with us that they moved away, so now we're back to having no friends to go out with. It's not great for us socially, but it'll prolly be better for our diets. Kind of a shitty trade-off, but whaddayagonnado? Plus, we've secured an apartment in our new town, so we won't have to do any more travelling until the move. So, back on the WWagon we go!

I hope to have more promising news to report next Friday.

Happy weekend, all!

A little weekend music, 6/15/07

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Stuff on my cat


Oscar was incredibly patient yesterday. So I thought I'd reward him with a little public humiliation. That's the kind of mommy I am. Ain't he cute in pigtails? Oh, the indignity!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I quit.

That's right. I handed in my formal resignation yesterday, and six weeks from now, I will be a former secretary. Good goddess, that feels good.

Not that there's anything wrong with being a secretary - it's just not for me. The way that children and buffalo sauce are not for me (separately or in combination). They're perfectly fine choices for a person to make, but they give me indigestion. Likewise, secretary life makes me dyspeptic. Something about making someone else's photocopies and fetching food from the cafe that makes a master's degree feel dusty and hardly worth the debt.

So. Even though I'm not going to be using my particular degree in my new job, I will be getting to use my brain in a more intellectual way again. I will get to talk about ideas again. And values. And responsible citizenship. And making the world a better place. Stuff I care about.

I think I might even get a secretary*.




*And that secretary will be allowed to blog at work. Gotta pay it forward.