Brief Update

Breaking news: Gender Blank is alive! I know you were all worried. 'Cause it's been, like, a year and a half since I've posted anything. What can I say? I've been busy.

Anyway, GB and the missus are on the move. We're currently sitting in the living room among about a bazillion boxes, watching softball, and avoiding more packing. But in a few short weeks, we will be moving to Massachusetts, where we'll be living by the ocean and getting hitched for realz. Monkey Pants is leaving her post as a college professor to find a better quality of life, which at this point includes a traveling hot dog stand on Cape Cod. We'll see how that all works out.

So there you go. Maybe this move will be good for my blogging, too. Or maybe it will be another year and a half. One just never knows.

In the meantime, go Huskies!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Just wanted to wish all of you a belated but very happy Thanksgiving! We had some wonderful friends visit us for the holiday, and it was so good to connect with our "comfortable people." You know those people who just get you? And with whom you can put away your filter and just be your own true self? And play Apples to Apples for hours and laugh hysterically while playing bad ping pong? Those people. We are so thankful for them. It was awesome, and we were sad when they drove away.

But at least we have pictures of funny birds from a local cider mill to remind us of the visit.



What the hell is this?



And these?



This one's name is Elvis.



And these are geese in couture.

Prop 8: The Musical

Look at all the fabulous queer-friendly folks in this video from funnyordie.com!

I fucking love Tina Fey. And Amy Poehler.

Need a cup of Coffey

I just can't help myself. I am always (always!) attracted to bitchy women. But bitchy-strong, not bitchy-whiny. And if they look a little freaky or untraditional, even better.

So it is with my new crush, Tabatha Coffey, former contenstant on Bravo's Shear Genius. She's got a new show on Bravo this season: Tabatha's Salon Takeover. She's kinda bitchy, but she's got a gooey center in there somewhere. I just know it.

Rowrrr.

Just the kind of nerd I am

h/t to Bob

Two letters to Barack Obama

Here's the letter I wanted to write to Barack Obama tonight:

Dear Barack Obama,

Quit being such a douchebag, please. I understand from your past and recent actions that you don't give two shits about queer people or women, so I don't imagine that a plea from this queer woman will mean much to you. However, I imagine that by now you've even started to alienate voters you actually care about (straight males, mostly the white ones), so I thought I'd just make this friendly request on behalf of your...I don't know...integrity, I guess. You were supposed to be the Great New Hope, but you're quickly becoming indistinguishable from that pile of shit that resembles McCain. Pretty sure that's not what you promised a few months ago, although I'll have to go back and study your transcripts. You're a shifty motherfucker, so I may have missed it.

Anyway, I don't expect you to stop being a douchebag just for me. I mean, I didn't even vote for you in the primary like I said I would, so I know I ain't done nothin' for you lately. But you seem to have endeared yourself to other progressives, and they're gonna start to get pissed, what with all the shitting all over their values and stuff, so maybe you could do it for them. Or for yourself, really, since you're gonna need their votes to get that white house. Or maybe you could do it because you promised us you were different, that you were a decent guy who cared about all the people society just doesn't care about (wait, that was Edwards, wasn't it?). Anyway, I know for a fact you promised us you were different, and I'm pretty sure you at least strongly implied that you were a decent guy. But if you don't quit being such a colossal douchebag, well, then you're not a decent guy at all - you're just another fucking politician.

And all the shit you've been doing the last couple weeks makes me want to cut your nuts off.

Straighten up or fuck off,
Gender Blank

But because I am a civilized and mature adult, here is the comment I actually left on his website:

I am a registered Democrat who will be voting for Cynthia McKinney in November because Barack Obama has proven over the last several weeks that he doesn't care at all about women (comments on abortion, telling Bernie Mac he was just "messing with him" after pretending to chastise him for his misogynist remarks) or pretty much anything else his most vocal supporters care about (FISA, Iraq pullout, pandering to evangelicals, gun control). At this point Barack Obama and John McCain might as well be the same candidate.

Barack Obama is supposedly a great orator, so I don't believe all of these things are simply instances of him "misspeaking." He is either misspeaking (in which case I just can't trust anything he actually says), or he means what he is saying (in which case I simply can't trust him). Either way he loses my vote.

Barack Obama is behaving like a political opportunist with no integrity. He promised something very different from what he has delivered thus far. I refuse to hold my nose and vote for him just because he's the Democratic nominee. I will instead gladly cast my vote for a Green.

If John McCain wins the election because enough true progressives are fed up with Obama's crap and vote for Cynthia McKinney or some other candidate, it will not be our fault. It will be Obama's fault for treating us like our votes are expendable. In any case, at this point it doesn't seem like McCain will be much more horrible for the country than Obama's recent actions suggest he will be.

Sincerely,

Gender Blank

I kinda wish I'd actually written the first one.

Celebrity Playlist

Just some stuff I've been listening to recently. I guess I'm on a Brit-pop/electro-pop kick, which is nothing I ever thought I'd be into. I blame Imogen Heap's Hide and Seek for getting me started. Then one thing led to another, and here I am. Some of this stuff doesn't exactly fit that genre, but I've been listening to it lately, too. Hint: click on "launch standalone" to hear the full versions of the songs.

Enjoy! Or don't. I don't give a shit. I promise to get to some real posts soon. My vacation has been sucked up by flying to exotic places like Iowa and Florida. Guess where I saw more water.

My philosophy

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Existentialism Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life. Existentialism 100% Hedonism 60% Justice (Fairness) 55% Utilitarianism 55% Kantianism 30% Strong Egoism 25% Nihilism 10% Apathy 0% Divine Command 0%

h/t to Portly Dyke

I am not a geek.

37% Geek

What I am is a nerd. I read books and journals, not manuals and comic books. I talk about critical theory, not mathematical equations. I play Super Mario, not real gamer stuff. I had a stack of research handy when buying a scooter, but I trust salespeople to tell me which digital camera is best. I have never sent a text message. Srsly.

I'm okay with not being a geek. I'm proud to be a nerd. That's not a judgment against geeks. Geeks are smart people. The world needs geeks. I just ain't one of 'em.

h/t to Bob.

Missed another goddam anniversary

Last time it was my 1-year blogiversary. This time it was my 11-year coming out anniversary. My lesboversary?

Anyway, it was eleven years ago on April 30, 1997 when I made my first gay public announcement. I was attending a small Christian college in Iowa and was frustrated by the lack of community for queer students. I knew I was gay, and I was pretty sure about two other people on campus. Two.

Anyway, I needed a support group and one didn't exist, so I decided that if Ellen could do it, so could I. I advertised Come Out With Ellen in the daily bulletin, and about 20 people showed up. Most of them were straight allies, but that was just as nice to see. We watched the Puppy Episode and then had a discussion about creating a queer group on campus.

It was one of the scariest evenings of my life, but it started me on a whole new path. I've really never looked back. Well, that's not entirely true. As a person with a concealable minority identity, I've had several moments since then when I've chosen to tuck away that identity - out of concerns for my safety, my employment, or my comfort. That hasn't happened for a number of years, but it has happened. They weren't proud moments. They were about coping.

But after eleven years, I can safely say I am completely out of that closet. I make no apologies for any part of my identity. My queerness is an important part of who I am, but it's not remotely the most interesting thing about me. It's a detail, and for that I am thankful because it used to consume me. That's what closets do.

Anyway, a big shout out to all the people who stood on the sidelines and cheered me on. Allies like you are invaluable. And a special thanks to MonkeyPants, who sat by my side eleven years and one night ago and held my hand as my shaky voice started to claim my identity. Her hand is still my favorite.

A call for more cussing

Surely I can do better than this:



Created by OnePlusYou

h/t to PortlyDyke

SATC

This lady says I can be a feminist and like Sex and the City. Whew!

'Cause while I don't do the whole fashion thing (or the whole men thing), I like the whole friends-as-soul-mates thing. MonkeyPants and I have a couple of soul mate friends from back home, and while we didn't talk about men at the coffee shop, we did talk about women (and sports and motorcycles and the patriarchy) at restaurants. We liked to eat, and we really enjoyed each other's company. So that part of the show resonates with me. And goddammit I really miss those friends.

Plus, I always find myself attracted to the strong (and sort of bitchy), slightly odd-looking independent thinker. Which means I had a small crush on Miranda (and an even bigger one on Cynthia Nixon). What can I say? The heart wants what it wants.

In any case, I am about as feminist as one is allowed to be without spontaneously combusting, and I enjoy Sex and the City. I don't love every thing about it, but as a socialist feminist and cultural critic, I almost never love every thing about anything. Occupational hazard, I guess. I've gotten good at compartmentalizing, and I've made room in my happy compartment for Sex and the City. Deal with it.

h/t

Update on the fatness

I was 190.1 this morning. Not bad, I thought (considering I was 202 at the beginning of March).

Then I looked at myself in the bathtub tonight. Much work to do.

I took a walk today, and I felt pretty good. This town is made of a bunch of fucking hills, so even a slow walk ain't all that easy. My goal is to feel that route is easy by July. Totally do-able.

I'm thirsty.

Day of Silence

A little less fat

So, remember back in, oh, January or something when I promised to weigh in each week? I was getting back on the wagon and wanted to get healthy? And I reported that I weighed something like 197 at the time? 'Member that?

Well. I had such good intentions of making those weekly reports, but that was before I actually gained weight while "dieting" (to be fair, the diet consisted mostly of M&Ms and frozen burritos, but wev). I got up to about 202.5, and I certainly didn't feel like telling everybody about it.

But then something happened. It was a series of somethings, actually, that made me start eating less. And better. Not perfectly, by any means. I had frozen burritos for dinner last night and a bag of M&Ms yesterday afternoon. But with the running around of covering a second building, the emotional blow of my boss leaving, and some general weirdness in my mental state, I just wasn't interested in enjoying food. Which is why I'm fat in the first place. I simply enjoy food. And it usually feels good to eat it, no matter the reason. But I wasn't enjoying it anymore, so I ate a lot less of it.

And this morning I weighed in at 193.7. So, yippee for stress and mental weirdness! I have about ten more pounds to lose before I'm at the weight I was at when I moved here in August. I felt pretty good then, so I'm shooting for that right now. After that we'll see if I feel like doing more. I will look like I need to do more, but at this point I really only have an interest in feeling good in my body again.

Would I love to be at my ideal weight of 145? You bet. But do I value that enough to do the work required to get and stay there? Don't know. I'm 31, happily partnered, and in a job I like. I kind of don't care anymore if I'm fat. I just want to feel strong and in charge of my body, and that's not how I feel at 193. It's not even really how I feel at 183, but I'm a lot more comfortable in that neighborhood. So I'll aim for that for now.

I'll report again next week. Even if I gain weight. Well, we'll see.

I'm fast

86 words

Speedtest

I cannot live in Dallas

I just can't.

Boston? Yes. Madison? Yes. Denver? Yes. Chicago? Yes. NYC? Yes. Philly? Yes. Austin? Yes. San Francisco? Yes. Ann Arbor? Yes. Iowa City? Yes. Podunk, NY? Yes.

But Dallas? Apparently not.

Sorry, Cowboys. I know how much you were looking forward to my fabulousness.

Can I live in Dallas?

So. My boss, who loves me and wants to promote me, took a job in Dallas. Which puts a lot more questions marks in my future than there were before. Which sucks. And about which I cried and bitched for a few days. But now I'm mostly over it. Mostly.

The thing is, he was told by his new institution that there is an open Assistant Director position there, and he can bring somebody to fill it if he wants to. And he asked me, sort of jokingly, but sort of seriously, if I am interested.

It's a great opportunity, but it would require leaving Nowhere, NY for Dallas, TX. And not that Nowhere, NY is so spectacular, but we're talking Dallas here. If it were Austin, I might just say yes. But Dallas?

Can I live in Dallas?

Where I am

Just wanted to check in to let you know that I'm technically still alive. But only barely.

I got roped into covering a second building while another director is out on maternity leave, and it's sorta kicking my ass. It's interesting what you discover about a colleague's work habits when you take over her job - and her staff. Somebody ain't been earning her keep, and now I get to go in and clean up after her.

It's actually been pretty amazing to work with some of these new people. I've found some really great kids who are thoughtful and motivated, and their standards have been forced so low that they think I'm a fucking superstar. Which, I gotta tell ya, ain't so bad.

Anyway, look for me again around the end of May when I finally get a moment to myself. I'll miss you all until then. Except for you, buddy.