What I am is a nerd. I read books and journals, not manuals and comic books. I talk about critical theory, not mathematical equations. I play Super Mario, not real gamer stuff. I had a stack of research handy when buying a scooter, but I trust salespeople to tell me which digital camera is best. I have never sent a text message. Srsly.
I'm okay with not being a geek. I'm proud to be a nerd. That's not a judgment against geeks. Geeks are smart people. The world needs geeks. I just ain't one of 'em.
h/t to Bob.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
I am not a geek.
37% Geek
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Missed another goddam anniversary
Last time it was my 1-year blogiversary. This time it was my 11-year coming out anniversary. My lesboversary?
Anyway, it was eleven years ago on April 30, 1997 when I made my first gay public announcement. I was attending a small Christian college in Iowa and was frustrated by the lack of community for queer students. I knew I was gay, and I was pretty sure about two other people on campus. Two.
Anyway, I needed a support group and one didn't exist, so I decided that if Ellen could do it, so could I. I advertised Come Out With Ellen in the daily bulletin, and about 20 people showed up. Most of them were straight allies, but that was just as nice to see. We watched the Puppy Episode and then had a discussion about creating a queer group on campus.
It was one of the scariest evenings of my life, but it started me on a whole new path. I've really never looked back. Well, that's not entirely true. As a person with a concealable minority identity, I've had several moments since then when I've chosen to tuck away that identity - out of concerns for my safety, my employment, or my comfort. That hasn't happened for a number of years, but it has happened. They weren't proud moments. They were about coping.
But after eleven years, I can safely say I am completely out of that closet. I make no apologies for any part of my identity. My queerness is an important part of who I am, but it's not remotely the most interesting thing about me. It's a detail, and for that I am thankful because it used to consume me. That's what closets do.
Anyway, a big shout out to all the people who stood on the sidelines and cheered me on. Allies like you are invaluable. And a special thanks to MonkeyPants, who sat by my side eleven years and one night ago and held my hand as my shaky voice started to claim my identity. Her hand is still my favorite.
Anyway, it was eleven years ago on April 30, 1997 when I made my first gay public announcement. I was attending a small Christian college in Iowa and was frustrated by the lack of community for queer students. I knew I was gay, and I was pretty sure about two other people on campus. Two.
Anyway, I needed a support group and one didn't exist, so I decided that if Ellen could do it, so could I. I advertised Come Out With Ellen in the daily bulletin, and about 20 people showed up. Most of them were straight allies, but that was just as nice to see. We watched the Puppy Episode and then had a discussion about creating a queer group on campus.
It was one of the scariest evenings of my life, but it started me on a whole new path. I've really never looked back. Well, that's not entirely true. As a person with a concealable minority identity, I've had several moments since then when I've chosen to tuck away that identity - out of concerns for my safety, my employment, or my comfort. That hasn't happened for a number of years, but it has happened. They weren't proud moments. They were about coping.
But after eleven years, I can safely say I am completely out of that closet. I make no apologies for any part of my identity. My queerness is an important part of who I am, but it's not remotely the most interesting thing about me. It's a detail, and for that I am thankful because it used to consume me. That's what closets do.
Anyway, a big shout out to all the people who stood on the sidelines and cheered me on. Allies like you are invaluable. And a special thanks to MonkeyPants, who sat by my side eleven years and one night ago and held my hand as my shaky voice started to claim my identity. Her hand is still my favorite.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
SATC
This lady says I can be a feminist and like Sex and the City. Whew!
'Cause while I don't do the whole fashion thing (or the whole men thing), I like the whole friends-as-soul-mates thing. MonkeyPants and I have a couple of soul mate friends from back home, and while we didn't talk about men at the coffee shop, we did talk about women (and sports and motorcycles and the patriarchy) at restaurants. We liked to eat, and we really enjoyed each other's company. So that part of the show resonates with me. And goddammit I really miss those friends.
Plus, I always find myself attracted to the strong (and sort of bitchy), slightly odd-looking independent thinker. Which means I had a small crush on Miranda (and an even bigger one on Cynthia Nixon). What can I say? The heart wants what it wants.
In any case, I am about as feminist as one is allowed to be without spontaneously combusting, and I enjoy Sex and the City. I don't love every thing about it, but as a socialist feminist and cultural critic, I almost never love every thing about anything. Occupational hazard, I guess. I've gotten good at compartmentalizing, and I've made room in my happy compartment for Sex and the City. Deal with it.
h/t
'Cause while I don't do the whole fashion thing (or the whole men thing), I like the whole friends-as-soul-mates thing. MonkeyPants and I have a couple of soul mate friends from back home, and while we didn't talk about men at the coffee shop, we did talk about women (and sports and motorcycles and the patriarchy) at restaurants. We liked to eat, and we really enjoyed each other's company. So that part of the show resonates with me. And goddammit I really miss those friends.
Plus, I always find myself attracted to the strong (and sort of bitchy), slightly odd-looking independent thinker. Which means I had a small crush on Miranda (and an even bigger one on Cynthia Nixon). What can I say? The heart wants what it wants.
In any case, I am about as feminist as one is allowed to be without spontaneously combusting, and I enjoy Sex and the City. I don't love every thing about it, but as a socialist feminist and cultural critic, I almost never love every thing about anything. Occupational hazard, I guess. I've gotten good at compartmentalizing, and I've made room in my happy compartment for Sex and the City. Deal with it.
h/t
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Update on the fatness
I was 190.1 this morning. Not bad, I thought (considering I was 202 at the beginning of March).
Then I looked at myself in the bathtub tonight. Much work to do.
I took a walk today, and I felt pretty good. This town is made of a bunch of fucking hills, so even a slow walk ain't all that easy. My goal is to feel that route is easy by July. Totally do-able.
I'm thirsty.
Then I looked at myself in the bathtub tonight. Much work to do.
I took a walk today, and I felt pretty good. This town is made of a bunch of fucking hills, so even a slow walk ain't all that easy. My goal is to feel that route is easy by July. Totally do-able.
I'm thirsty.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
A little less fat
So, remember back in, oh, January or something when I promised to weigh in each week? I was getting back on the wagon and wanted to get healthy? And I reported that I weighed something like 197 at the time? 'Member that?
Well. I had such good intentions of making those weekly reports, but that was before I actually gained weight while "dieting" (to be fair, the diet consisted mostly of M&Ms and frozen burritos, but wev). I got up to about 202.5, and I certainly didn't feel like telling everybody about it.
But then something happened. It was a series of somethings, actually, that made me start eating less. And better. Not perfectly, by any means. I had frozen burritos for dinner last night and a bag of M&Ms yesterday afternoon. But with the running around of covering a second building, the emotional blow of my boss leaving, and some general weirdness in my mental state, I just wasn't interested in enjoying food. Which is why I'm fat in the first place. I simply enjoy food. And it usually feels good to eat it, no matter the reason. But I wasn't enjoying it anymore, so I ate a lot less of it.
And this morning I weighed in at 193.7. So, yippee for stress and mental weirdness! I have about ten more pounds to lose before I'm at the weight I was at when I moved here in August. I felt pretty good then, so I'm shooting for that right now. After that we'll see if I feel like doing more. I will look like I need to do more, but at this point I really only have an interest in feeling good in my body again.
Would I love to be at my ideal weight of 145? You bet. But do I value that enough to do the work required to get and stay there? Don't know. I'm 31, happily partnered, and in a job I like. I kind of don't care anymore if I'm fat. I just want to feel strong and in charge of my body, and that's not how I feel at 193. It's not even really how I feel at 183, but I'm a lot more comfortable in that neighborhood. So I'll aim for that for now.
I'll report again next week. Even if I gain weight. Well, we'll see.
Well. I had such good intentions of making those weekly reports, but that was before I actually gained weight while "dieting" (to be fair, the diet consisted mostly of M&Ms and frozen burritos, but wev). I got up to about 202.5, and I certainly didn't feel like telling everybody about it.
But then something happened. It was a series of somethings, actually, that made me start eating less. And better. Not perfectly, by any means. I had frozen burritos for dinner last night and a bag of M&Ms yesterday afternoon. But with the running around of covering a second building, the emotional blow of my boss leaving, and some general weirdness in my mental state, I just wasn't interested in enjoying food. Which is why I'm fat in the first place. I simply enjoy food. And it usually feels good to eat it, no matter the reason. But I wasn't enjoying it anymore, so I ate a lot less of it.
And this morning I weighed in at 193.7. So, yippee for stress and mental weirdness! I have about ten more pounds to lose before I'm at the weight I was at when I moved here in August. I felt pretty good then, so I'm shooting for that right now. After that we'll see if I feel like doing more. I will look like I need to do more, but at this point I really only have an interest in feeling good in my body again.
Would I love to be at my ideal weight of 145? You bet. But do I value that enough to do the work required to get and stay there? Don't know. I'm 31, happily partnered, and in a job I like. I kind of don't care anymore if I'm fat. I just want to feel strong and in charge of my body, and that's not how I feel at 193. It's not even really how I feel at 183, but I'm a lot more comfortable in that neighborhood. So I'll aim for that for now.
I'll report again next week. Even if I gain weight. Well, we'll see.
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