I'm a bit of a fraud...

I've been trying to come to terms with something for awhile, and I suspect some of y'all are thinkin' about it, too, so I thought I might just address it and get it out of the way.

I'm not truly gender blank. I'm fairly close to it, but I do trend toward the feminine in some respects. I style my hair in decidedly girlie ways. Sometimes womanly ways, but often girlie. This involves using a curling iron and copious amounts of hairspray (some girlstyles are harder to hold than others). I also use a floral body spray and shower gel. I shave my armpits.

I try my best to balance this out, 'cause I'm afraid my radfem card might get yanked if I don't. Also because I think it's important to present gender in all its permutations. I do it for the kids, really. How else are they going to grow up and not become stereotypes and/or sexist bastards? So, every day I choose not to shave my legs. I even wear them out in public that way. It was hard at first, but now I just don't feel like compromising on it. I also choose every day not to wear makeup. Partly this is because I'm lazy, but mostly I just don't feel like I should be expected to go an extra mile to compensate for not having a penis. I haven't worn a dress since 1999, and that was only in a dressing room. The last time I CHOSE to wear a dress was the summer of 1995. I wear jeans and tennis shoes to work. I wear a sweater if I'm trying to dress up. And maybe boots. I own and know how to use power tools.

I just feel as though the Patriarchy gets propped up enough without me lending more support. I (mostly) refuse to get sucked into gender drama and feminine performance.

But I do get sucked in sometimes in spite of myself. I know this. And I wanted you to know that I know this. I didn't want y'all thinkin' that I think I'm the most radical thing that ever lived. I'm not. In theory, perhaps, but certainly not in practice.

So, Gender Blank is more what I aspire to, or what I hope other people feel free to aspire to and enact, but I've got a long way to go toward becoming it. Being truly gender blank takes a kind of guts I haven't ever witnessed in myself. I still rely on some of the tools in the Femininity Toolbox to cope with the Patriarchy because it's easy, and I'm lazy, and I don't like confrontation.

I turn 30 this year. I think I will dedicate my new decade to nurturing my guts. I just have to. After all, it's for the children.

Friday Weigh In, 1/26/07

This morning I weighed in at 205.5, which makes 2 pounds this week and 7 pounds altogether. I was hoping for a little more, but this is nothing to sneeze at.

I've already noticed a huge difference in my energy level and in my willingness to walk places. With Partner out of town, I was excited about being able to come home after work and take a nap the last two nights. I found, however, that I didn't feel like napping once I got home. I even got all covered up on the couch with pillows and turned down the television, but I didn't fall asleep. Huh.

I've got to start exercising sometime soon. I have a treadmill, fercrissakes, so I have no excuses. That's my goal for next week. Or tomorrow if I get really ambitious.

Happy Weekend!

Fat dummies.

From The Guardian: "Spanish shop window dummies have been ordered to fatten up after the government and big fashion chains agreed that female dummies should wear size 10 clothes or above. The agreement between Spanish retail chains such as Zara and Mango and the country's health ministry came as the fashion trade agreed to a series of measures designed to combat anorexia."

Of course, if you ask Gisele Bundchen, it's parents' fault that women have eating disorders, not the fault of the fashion or modeling industries. I say bullshit. Parents may be most influential in teaching early eating habits, but girls' and women's desire to be invisible is culturally generated. Fattening up the mannequins is only part of the solution, but it's an important part. Cheers to Spain!

Gee-roosssss!

From the Associated Press: "Organizers of London Fashion Week said Thursday they would not ban ultra-thin models from the catwalk, but stressed they had asked designers to use only “healthy” people in their shows."

Riiiiiiigggghhhttttt.

Best. Choice. Ever.

Friday Weigh In, 1/19/07

So, I know it's Monday now and that I forgot to post my weigh-in on Friday. I didn't really forget...I just didn't do it.

207.5. That's three pounds last week. I'll take it! I still haven't felt much like I'm dieting, so score on all fronts!

I'm looking forward to having leftovers tonight. Last night we made burritos with ground turkey, refried beans, taco seasoning, salsa, and shredded cheese. Then we baked them in the oven until they were a bit crispy. Yum city. They were four points each (and we each had two of them), but they were worth every damned point! The best part about having them again tonight? No cooking! That's really what I notice about this new plan: all the cooking. We were used to eating out a whole lot, and when we weren't doing that, we were eating lots of frozen stuff, so this is quite a change. A good one, though. We pay a bit more at the grocery store now, but we pay a whole lot less on restaurant food, so I think we're coming out ahead.

By the way, we eat out on Fridays and eat whateverthehell we want. Last week we went to Applebee's. I considered one of their Weight Watchers dinners (and should have gotten one), but opted for the orange chicken bowl. Mistake. I should have known when the menu said this Asian dish was served on a bed of rice pilaf. That's just not right. Secondly, the orange sauce was a bit like I imagine Mop & Glo might taste like. The only redeeming quality was all the sliced toasted almonds and crispy things on top. But finding almonds and crispy things that hadn't been befouled by Mop & Glo sauce was a chore. Rating? One out of five to-be-determined units.

For the burritos? Four and a half out of five. Lost half a point for being worth so many points.

What a look!

A Haiku for The Donald

Fifteen minutes up.
Tina Fey is onto you.
Narcissistic pig.