Gender Blank Weighs In

Brief Update

2010-05-29T20:36:00.002-05:00

Breaking news: Gender Blank is alive! I know you were all worried. 'Cause it's been, like, a year and a half since I've posted anything. What can I say? I've been busy.

Anyway, GB and the missus are on the move. We're currently sitting in the living room among about a bazillion boxes, watching softball, and avoiding more packing. But in a few short weeks, we will be moving to Massachusetts, where we'll be living by the ocean and getting hitched for realz. Monkey Pants is leaving her post as a college professor to find a better quality of life, which at this point includes a traveling hot dog stand on Cape Cod. We'll see how that all works out.

So there you go. Maybe this move will be good for my blogging, too. Or maybe it will be another year and a half. One just never knows.

In the meantime, go Huskies!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-12-03T13:02:00.006-05:00

Just wanted to wish all of you a belated but very happy Thanksgiving! We had some wonderful friends visit us for the holiday, and it was so good to connect with our "comfortable people." You know those people who just get you? And with whom you can put away your filter and just be your own true self? And play Apples to Apples for hours and laugh hysterically while playing bad ping pong? Those people. We are so thankful for them. It was awesome, and we were sad when they drove away.

But at least we have pictures of funny birds from a local cider mill to remind us of the visit.

What the hell is this?

And these?

This one's name is Elvis.

And these are geese in couture.

Prop 8: The Musical

2008-12-03T12:59:00.002-05:00

Look at all the fabulous queer-friendly folks in this video from funnyordie.com!

I fucking love Tina Fey. And Amy Poehler.

2008-09-14T20:11:00.001-05:00

Need a cup of Coffey

2008-09-10T16:38:00.003-05:00

I just can't help myself. I am always (always!) attracted to bitchy women. But bitchy-strong, not bitchy-whiny. And if they look a little freaky or untraditional, even better.

So it is with my new crush, Tabatha Coffey, former contenstant on Bravo's Shear Genius. She's got a new show on Bravo this season: Tabatha's Salon Takeover. She's kinda bitchy, but she's got a gooey center in there somewhere. I just know it.

Rowrrr.

Just the kind of nerd I am

2008-07-29T23:41:00.001-05:00

h/t to Bob

Two letters to Barack Obama

2008-07-13T00:04:00.005-05:00

Here's the letter I wanted to write to Barack Obama tonight:

Dear Barack Obama,

Quit being such a douchebag, please. I understand from your past and recent actions that you don't give two shits about queer people or women, so I don't imagine that a plea from this queer woman will mean much to you. However, I imagine that by now you've even started to alienate voters you actually care about (straight males, mostly the white ones), so I thought I'd just make this friendly request on behalf of your...I don't know...integrity, I guess. You were supposed to be the Great New Hope, but you're quickly becoming indistinguishable from that pile of shit that resembles McCain. Pretty sure that's not what you promised a few months ago, although I'll have to go back and study your transcripts. You're a shifty motherfucker, so I may have missed it.

Anyway, I don't expect you to stop being a douchebag just for me. I mean, I didn't even vote for you in the primary like I said I would, so I know I ain't done nothin' for you lately. But you seem to have endeared yourself to other progressives, and they're gonna start to get pissed, what with all the shitting all over their values and stuff, so maybe you could do it for them. Or for yourself, really, since you're gonna need their votes to get that white house. Or maybe you could do it because you promised us you were different, that you were a decent guy who cared about all the people society just doesn't care about (wait, that was Edwards, wasn't it?). Anyway, I know for a fact you promised us you were different, and I'm pretty sure you at least strongly implied that you were a decent guy. But if you don't quit being such a colossal douchebag, well, then you're not a decent guy at all - you're just another fucking politician.

And all the shit you've been doing the last couple weeks makes me want to cut your nuts off.

Straighten up or fuck off,
Gender Blank

But because I am a civilized and mature adult, here is the comment I actually left on his website:

I am a registered Democrat who will be voting for Cynthia McKinney in November because Barack Obama has proven over the last several weeks that he doesn't care at all about women (comments on abortion, telling Bernie Mac he was just "messing with him" after pretending to chastise him for his misogynist remarks) or pretty much anything else his most vocal supporters care about (FISA, Iraq pullout, pandering to evangelicals, gun control). At this point Barack Obama and John McCain might as well be the same candidate.

Barack Obama is supposedly a great orator, so I don't believe all of these things are simply instances of him "misspeaking." He is either misspeaking (in which case I just can't trust anything he actually says), or he means what he is saying (in which case I simply can't trust him). Either way he loses my vote.

Barack Obama is behaving like a political opportunist with no integrity. He promised something very different from what he has delivered thus far. I refuse to hold my nose and vote for him just because he's the Democratic nominee. I will instead gladly cast my vote for a Green.

If John McCain wins the election because enough true progressives are fed up with Obama's crap and vote for Cynthia McKinney or some other candidate, it will not be our fault. It will be Obama's fault for treating us like our votes are expendable. In any case, at this point it doesn't seem like McCain will be much more horrible for the country than Obama's recent actions suggest he will be.

Sincerely,

Gender Blank

I kinda wish I'd actually written the first one.

Celebrity Playlist

2008-06-26T22:47:00.003-05:00

Just some stuff I've been listening to recently. I guess I'm on a Brit-pop/electro-pop kick, which is nothing I ever thought I'd be into. I blame Imogen Heap's Hide and Seek for getting me started. Then one thing led to another, and here I am. Some of this stuff doesn't exactly fit that genre, but I've been listening to it lately, too. Hint: click on "launch standalone" to hear the full versions of the songs.

Enjoy! Or don't. I don't give a shit. I promise to get to some real posts soon. My vacation has been sucked up by flying to exotic places like Iowa and Florida. Guess where I saw more water.

My philosophy

2008-06-09T15:57:00.002-05:00

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Existentialism

Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life.

Existentialism

100%

Hedonism

60%

Justice (Fairness)

55%

Utilitarianism

55%

Kantianism

30%

Strong Egoism

25%

Nihilism

10%

Apathy

Divine Command

h/t to Portly Dyke

I am not a geek.

2008-05-17T13:00:00.003-05:00

37% Geek

What I am is a nerd. I read books and journals, not manuals and comic books. I talk about critical theory, not mathematical equations. I play Super Mario, not real gamer stuff. I had a stack of research handy when buying a scooter, but I trust salespeople to tell me which digital camera is best. I have never sent a text message. Srsly.

I'm okay with not being a geek. I'm proud to be a nerd. That's not a judgment against geeks. Geeks are smart people. The world needs geeks. I just ain't one of 'em.

h/t to Bob.

Missed another goddam anniversary

2008-05-01T16:08:00.004-05:00

Last time it was my 1-year blogiversary. This time it was my 11-year coming out anniversary. My lesboversary?

Anyway, it was eleven years ago on April 30, 1997 when I made my first gay public announcement. I was attending a small Christian college in Iowa and was frustrated by the lack of community for queer students. I knew I was gay, and I was pretty sure about two other people on campus. Two.

Anyway, I needed a support group and one didn't exist, so I decided that if Ellen could do it, so could I. I advertised Come Out With Ellen in the daily bulletin, and about 20 people showed up. Most of them were straight allies, but that was just as nice to see. We watched the Puppy Episode and then had a discussion about creating a queer group on campus.

It was one of the scariest evenings of my life, but it started me on a whole new path. I've really never looked back. Well, that's not entirely true. As a person with a concealable minority identity, I've had several moments since then when I've chosen to tuck away that identity - out of concerns for my safety, my employment, or my comfort. That hasn't happened for a number of years, but it has happened. They weren't proud moments. They were about coping.

But after eleven years, I can safely say I am completely out of that closet. I make no apologies for any part of my identity. My queerness is an important part of who I am, but it's not remotely the most interesting thing about me. It's a detail, and for that I am thankful because it used to consume me. That's what closets do.

Anyway, a big shout out to all the people who stood on the sidelines and cheered me on. Allies like you are invaluable. And a special thanks to MonkeyPants, who sat by my side eleven years and one night ago and held my hand as my shaky voice started to claim my identity. Her hand is still my favorite.

A call for more cussing

2008-04-23T20:27:00.001-05:00

Surely I can do better than this:

Created by OnePlusYou

h/t to PortlyDyke

SATC

2008-04-20T22:51:00.004-05:00

This lady says I can be a feminist and like Sex and the City. Whew!

'Cause while I don't do the whole fashion thing (or the whole men thing), I like the whole friends-as-soul-mates thing. MonkeyPants and I have a couple of soul mate friends from back home, and while we didn't talk about men at the coffee shop, we did talk about women (and sports and motorcycles and the patriarchy) at restaurants. We liked to eat, and we really enjoyed each other's company. So that part of the show resonates with me. And goddammit I really miss those friends.

Plus, I always find myself attracted to the strong (and sort of bitchy), slightly odd-looking independent thinker. Which means I had a small crush on Miranda (and an even bigger one on Cynthia Nixon). What can I say? The heart wants what it wants.

In any case, I am about as feminist as one is allowed to be without spontaneously combusting, and I enjoy Sex and the City. I don't love every thing about it, but as a socialist feminist and cultural critic, I almost never love every thing about anything. Occupational hazard, I guess. I've gotten good at compartmentalizing, and I've made room in my happy compartment for Sex and the City. Deal with it.

h/t

Update on the fatness

2008-04-16T23:21:00.003-05:00

I was 190.1 this morning. Not bad, I thought (considering I was 202 at the beginning of March).

Then I looked at myself in the bathtub tonight. Much work to do.

I took a walk today, and I felt pretty good. This town is made of a bunch of fucking hills, so even a slow walk ain't all that easy. My goal is to feel that route is easy by July. Totally do-able.

I'm thirsty.

Day of Silence

2008-04-06T19:40:00.000-05:00

A little less fat

2008-04-04T09:24:00.003-05:00

So, remember back in, oh, January or something when I promised to weigh in each week? I was getting back on the wagon and wanted to get healthy? And I reported that I weighed something like 197 at the time? 'Member that?

Well. I had such good intentions of making those weekly reports, but that was before I actually gained weight while "dieting" (to be fair, the diet consisted mostly of M&Ms and frozen burritos, but wev). I got up to about 202.5, and I certainly didn't feel like telling everybody about it.

But then something happened. It was a series of somethings, actually, that made me start eating less. And better. Not perfectly, by any means. I had frozen burritos for dinner last night and a bag of M&Ms yesterday afternoon. But with the running around of covering a second building, the emotional blow of my boss leaving, and some general weirdness in my mental state, I just wasn't interested in enjoying food. Which is why I'm fat in the first place. I simply enjoy food. And it usually feels good to eat it, no matter the reason. But I wasn't enjoying it anymore, so I ate a lot less of it.

And this morning I weighed in at 193.7. So, yippee for stress and mental weirdness! I have about ten more pounds to lose before I'm at the weight I was at when I moved here in August. I felt pretty good then, so I'm shooting for that right now. After that we'll see if I feel like doing more. I will look like I need to do more, but at this point I really only have an interest in feeling good in my body again.

Would I love to be at my ideal weight of 145? You bet. But do I value that enough to do the work required to get and stay there? Don't know. I'm 31, happily partnered, and in a job I like. I kind of don't care anymore if I'm fat. I just want to feel strong and in charge of my body, and that's not how I feel at 193. It's not even really how I feel at 183, but I'm a lot more comfortable in that neighborhood. So I'll aim for that for now.

I'll report again next week. Even if I gain weight. Well, we'll see.

I'm fast

2008-03-29T10:47:00.001-05:00

86 words

Speedtest

I cannot live in Dallas

2008-03-28T11:11:00.003-05:00

I just can't.

Boston? Yes. Madison? Yes. Denver? Yes. Chicago? Yes. NYC? Yes. Philly? Yes. Austin? Yes. San Francisco? Yes. Ann Arbor? Yes. Iowa City? Yes. Podunk, NY? Yes.

But Dallas? Apparently not.

Sorry, Cowboys. I know how much you were looking forward to my fabulousness.

Can I live in Dallas?

2008-03-19T12:07:00.000-05:00

So. My boss, who loves me and wants to promote me, took a job in Dallas. Which puts a lot more questions marks in my future than there were before. Which sucks. And about which I cried and bitched for a few days. But now I'm mostly over it. Mostly.

The thing is, he was told by his new institution that there is an open Assistant Director position there, and he can bring somebody to fill it if he wants to. And he asked me, sort of jokingly, but sort of seriously, if I am interested.

It's a great opportunity, but it would require leaving Nowhere, NY for Dallas, TX. And not that Nowhere, NY is so spectacular, but we're talking Dallas here. If it were Austin, I might just say yes. But Dallas?

Can I live in Dallas?

Where I am

2008-03-17T23:05:00.003-05:00

Just wanted to check in to let you know that I'm technically still alive. But only barely.

I got roped into covering a second building while another director is out on maternity leave, and it's sorta kicking my ass. It's interesting what you discover about a colleague's work habits when you take over her job - and her staff. Somebody ain't been earning her keep, and now I get to go in and clean up after her.

It's actually been pretty amazing to work with some of these new people. I've found some really great kids who are thoughtful and motivated, and their standards have been forced so low that they think I'm a fucking superstar. Which, I gotta tell ya, ain't so bad.

Anyway, look for me again around the end of May when I finally get a moment to myself. I'll miss you all until then. Except for you, buddy.

Why I should stop saying fuck

2008-02-27T02:14:00.003-05:00

'Cause it attracts people to my humble blog who are looking for shit like this:

1. "why women don't like to be fucked everyday" (It's you, buddy.)
2. "tiny 18 year olds fucking" (Way to steer clear of the kiddie porn there.)
3. "obama girl fucked" (Nice.)
4. "is it healthy for a man to be fucked" (I think yes, but what do I know?)
5. "huge dick mother fucker" (George Bush. Has to be.)
6. "healthy way to get fucked" (Cucumbers?)
7. "for time up fucking" (Wev.)

And this is all just within the last month! As always, it gives me a little giggle that these douchebags end up at GBWI, where perhaps, 'cause you just never know, I am radically changing their worldviews. It could happen.

And now I need to go scrub my brain. Fuckers.

Just go to Shakesville already

2008-02-26T01:05:00.003-05:00

Go here to read Melissa's first installment of "a new series in which [she]'ll be addressing misconceptions or answering questions about feminism and/or feminists." This first post is entitled "Feminism 101: Feminists Look for Stuff to Get Mad About."

It's fucking brilliant.

I heart Tina Fey

2008-02-25T02:05:00.000-05:00

Bitch is the new black.

Gender Blank is gettin' older

2008-02-19T02:01:00.005-05:00

Gray hair? Check. Crow's feet? Check. Stretch marks from semi-annual attempts at weight loss? Check, check, and check.

Oh, and it's my birthday today. Always a tip-off.

I'm 31 today. Not a momentous birthday. Still a young pup by many standards. All dried up by some others, but wev. I've never really bought into those standards.

Anyway, I'm takin' it easy today. Students are gone for the whole week, which is such a totally kick-ass gift! I'm going to clean my office, catch up on some paperwork, and hang out in my pajamas. Then I'm going to let MonkeyPants take me out to dinner. I've got a hankerin' for some Japanese food.

By the way, I'm setting no goals for my thirty-second year of life. I'm just gonna take shit as it comes. In case you were wondering.

Happy day to all of you! Thank you for being in my life at 31!

Jane Fonda said "cunt" on TV

2008-02-15T01:30:00.002-05:00

See for yourself.

Meredith Vieira apologized for Fonda a few minutes later, but no word on whether Fonda actually felt like apologizing for it. I hope not. If you've seen the show, you get it. Even if you haven't seen the show, there was nothing offensive about the way she used the word.

Had she called Meredith Vieira a cunt, that'd be a bit different.

Seeing The Vagina Monologues changed my entire outlook on the word. I still don't use it, but mostly because now the word is too good for most people. That's right. The C-word is too good to be used with ordinary people. Especially ordinary people who do stupid shit.

Those people are just dicks.

Stuff I'm listening to these days

2008-02-15T01:22:00.002-05:00

Some of these are only 30-second versions. But you get the idea.

Question: Why doesn't Gender Blank wear make-up?

2008-02-13T00:45:00.003-05:00

Answer: Because it might attract the wrong kind of guy.

Another question: Where are this woman's nipples? BTW, that's no girl, but whatever.

Sigh.

MSNBC sorta blows

2008-02-10T03:45:00.000-05:00

I know you already know this. But it bears revisiting every once in awhile. They provide enough examples at pretty regular intervals to keep my rage-o-meter at least partially engaged at all times. Plus, they continue to employ Chris Matthews. That's enough to give me heartburn by itself.

What I'm most irritated about over the last few days is their coverage of the Democratic race for the nomination. First, after Super Tuesday failed to deliver a decisive front-runner, MSNBC.com ran a headline all day long that said something like "Democratic Race Could Go Negative" with a subhead indicating that this negativity would split and damage the party (sorry - I can't find a link to the article anymore).

Don't you just love it when corporately-owned douchebags predict inevitable disasters for their opponents based on a history that completely contradicts the prediction? After all, the ensuing article noted (at the very, very end) that up until that point the Democratic race had been pretty darn civil. They could at least wait to see what happens and then make a reasoned analysis. I mean, even Jerry Falwell waited until after the disaster of 9/11 to blame the gays and the feminists. Just like a gentleman should.

Plus, so far they've been wrong. I know it's only been five days since Super Tuesday, but I haven't read any reports of a huge wave of negativity between Obama and Clinton. There is still time, of course, but they seem to be making a pretty concerted effort to be on good behavior (relative to most political campaigning, anyway). I hope they don't make me eat my words in the coming weeks.

Another thing that's bugging me right now is this photo of Barack Obama on MSNBC.com.

I just can't help but think the top dogs at MSNBC are chuckling just a little at running this Angry Black Man photo. Or Evil Black Man. He looks more evil than angry. Now, I know that photojournalism is all about capturing a "moment." But after winning the four contests last night, wouldn't you think Barack Obama would be having a happy moment, and wouldn't that photo be more appropriate to run? Or was it just too tempting to slap up an unflattering photo that plays into the stereotypes that lots of voters have?

Perhaps I wouldn't be so cheesed if they didn't run that photo next to this one of Mike Huckabee looking all serious and presidential.

I'm not irritated by this because I'm a fan of Obama (he only got 49% of my vote on Tuesday). I'm irritated by this because I'm a fan of fairness. And balance. But in a completely non-Fox News kind of way.

Or maybe - and probably most likely - I'm irritated because I just got done reading this and this over at Shakesville. Melissa says it way better than I could, so just go read about MSNBC's misogynist douchebaggery over there. Don't forget the comments sections when you read stuff at Shakesville. The regulars over there are a smart and savvy bunch, and the discussions are often as good as the posts.

Anyway, MSNBC is beyond having some 'splainin' to do. If they want to remain a viable candidate for my entertainment attention, they're gonna hafta make a grand gesture of some sort. Suspending David Shuster isn't quite enough for me.

Chris Matthews would be nice to have in the trophy case, though.

I missed my blogiversary

2008-02-10T01:45:00.000-05:00

Happy belated 1-year blogiversary to me. It was January 11. Somehow I forgot about it. Prolly 'cause I was busy taping paper fishies to the walls of the lobby here in the ol' dorm-home. A girl's gotta make a living, after all.

Here's my first post from a little over a year ago. A hundred and seventy-three posts later I can't say I'm any wiser. Well, maybe a smidge. At least I know how to embed YouTube videos now. That's something.

Now have some cake.

Political Leaderboard

2008-02-05T10:23:00.000-05:00

The vote looms

2008-02-04T03:09:00.000-05:00

We're a day away from Super Tuesday. God dammit, I need more time!

'Cause here's where I am right now: I've publicly agreed to support Barack Obama, who I believe is a great choice, but I keep secretly rooting for Hillary Clinton, who I also believe would be a great choice, albeit for very different reasons.

I saw people standing at the corner of a busy intersection in Albany this weekend holding Hillary signs, and I admit that I felt emotional. These were people standing out in the misty cold for a viable female candidate, and that's never before been possible in my lifetime. Or anyone else's.

And then I saw this video about Barack Obama, and it gave me chills. Truthfully, I get chills nearly every time I see coverage of Obama making a speech. Not usually because of his actual speech, but because of the crowds' reactions to his speeches. I can't say that he totally lights my fire, but the fact that he lights so many other fires is certainly inspirational.

Is it possible to be inspired transitively? 'Cause if so, I'd like to express my feelings about Barack Obama as a logical equation: If I am inspired by people's excitement to engage in the democratic process, and Barack Obama makes truckloads of people get excited about engaging in the democratic process, then I am inspired by Barack Obama.

But here's the thing. Even though there are things about her that make me cringe, I am directly inspired by Hillary Clinton. I don't think there's anyone smarter in the race. Maybe even in the party. She is damn near unflappable. She can play the game with the best of the boys (I'm not necessarily interested in someone who plays that game, but I still admire that she can do it so well). She's been smeared more than any woman in American history, but she refuses to give up, and a day before Super Tuesday she leads the polls and the delegate count for the Democratic nomination. I just can't help but be inspired by that.

But can she win against John McCain? I'm not so sure. I think she could if Obama were on the ticket with her, but I'm not sure he would accept that offer. I think Obama would be able to beat McCain with a few different people as his VP, which ups his stock with me. But I don't know that he would put Hillary on the ticket (even though I believe she deserves to be there in some capacity), and I don't want to miss an opportunity to vote for a well-qualified female candidate. Who knows when it will happen again (not saying that there won't be a well-qualified female, just that it's not easy to squeeze through the process like Hillary has)?

So, dear readers, what do I do with all this? I have a day to figure it out. Any advice out there?

Apple juice

2008-01-30T16:39:00.001-05:00

One of my RAs pointed me to this video, and I can't stop thinking about it for some strange reason. So, I thought I'd share it with you.

You're welcome.

Edwards drops out

2008-01-30T16:20:00.000-05:00

A little factoid: Four in 10 Edwards supporters said their second choice in the race is Clinton, while a quarter prefer Obama, according to an Associated Press-Yahoo poll conducted late this month.

Huh.

Fuck you, Mr. Edwards

2008-01-08T02:17:00.000-05:00

"I think what we need in a commander-in-chief is strength and resolve, and presidential campaigns are tough business, but being president of the United States is also tough business," Edwards told reporters Laconia, New Hampshire.

This, in response to Hillary Clinton getting almost teary talking about her country.

Now, I'm no great Clinton-lover, but this comment by Edwards is below the cooter. That's worse than just below the belt. He deserves nothing short of a feminist ass-kicking for going there. I mean, really, John? I'm fairly certain Hillary could fuck you up pretty easily.

Hillary getting choked up about her country is actually a point in her favor, in my opinion. And you, sir, are just a desperate douchebag hoping the cool kid picks you to be on his ticket.

On the Republican side

2008-01-04T17:43:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to add that Johnson County Republicans chose Romney with 32%, followed by Huckabee with 22% - indicating that Huckabee is going to have a hell of a time in New Hampshire.

'Cause Iowa Republicans in general are a pretty born-again bunch, especially in the more rural areas (which is most of the state). But the ones in Johnson County, and specifically the ones in Iowa City, tend to only be Republicans because they're rich. They're really more like Libertarians than true Republicans. Except for Mike Thayer. He's about as socially conservative as they get.

But Granite Staters have a decidedly Libertarian bent. "Live Free or Die" and all that shit. They're Republicans because they want the government to stay out of their business, not on accounta Jesus. So I don't think Huckabee is going to find quite the reception there that he got in Iowa.

In addition, New Hampshire is Romney's back yard. Now, I left New Hampshire before really getting a pulse on how those folks felt about ol' Flip Flop Romney, but I think he'll probably win their primary.

Of course, who knows what the addition of Guiliani will do to the race in New Hampshire? He wrote Iowa off a long time ago, and Iowa voters returned the favor. He isn't in the top three in NH right now, but maybe he'll mention 9/11 again and it'll work this time. We'll know in a few days, I guess.

My prediction for Tuesday, btw, is Clinton-Obama-Edwards, Romney-McCain-Huckabee. Huckabee might climb to second on the momentum of last night, but I don't think it's gonna happen. I think Obama will gain enough ground in the state over the next four days to make Clinton sweat, but I think she'll hold on for the win (she currently has a 12-point lead there). Which will make me happy, because I think the country needs to see a woman do well. But I'm an Obama girl (er, woman) now, so I'll root for an upset.

Any different predictions out there?

I'm the new Obama Girl. Er, Woman.

2008-01-04T16:48:00.000-05:00

So, I promised to endorse whoever Johnson County Democrats chose to be the party's candidate for President, and they couldn't have been any clearer. The gap between their Chosen One and the second place guy was even wider than the gap statewide, which was already pretty astonishing. Here is the breakdown:

Johnson County
updated 12:33 a.m. EDT, January 4, 2008 100% reported

Obama 52%
Edwards 24%
Clinton 21%
Richardson 2%
Uncommitted 1%
Biden 0%
Dodd 0%
Gravel 0%
Kucinich 0%

So that means my official endorsement goes to Barack Obama for President 2008. And in a huge way, too. I'm a little shocked and disappointed in a strange kind of way, although I think I would have felt that way no matter who got picked. Or maybe I was hoping JC would give me a reason to endorse Clinton, 'cause I want to like the female candidate, but she certainly didn't earn my vote based on her record or her talking points. Johnson County voters were her last hope of getting my endorsement, but they weren't extremely impressed either, I guess.

I have to give Clinton points for her speech last night, though. She focused on the party and the Democratic vision and said she can't wait for the contest ahead rather than insisting she will be the winner. Smart move.

And congratulations to John Edwards for coming in slightly second. It was a good showing for him. But I couldn't wait for his speech to be over. And not because of his accent (sorry for my prejudice in the last post, Phydeaux). It's just that he kept talking. And talking. And doing that contrived politician-y thing where they mention local people with tragic problems in an attempt to make us gullible voters believe they actually know those people and give a shit about them. All politicians are guilty of this from time to time, but Edwards is the only one I saw do it last night. And the only mention of his wife, unless I zoned out during the middle, was to mention her cancer. Classy move.

Barack Obama, on the other hand, took a moment to actually recognize his wife and her role in helping him through the whole thing. It seemed genuinely celebratory, which was great to see. And he was charismatic and hopeful as all hell, which explains why he has been inspiring all sorts of young people to come out and get involved in the political process.

And for that I am truly thankful, because seeing that kind of enthusiasm and turnout for a candidate is a reason to really get excited about what he might be able to accomplish. Because, as MonkeyPants said, any of the top three would be fine, they'd all be way better than Bush, and there probably wouldn't be much difference in the way any of them would do the job. But if one of them makes more people want to get involved in the process or makes people start caring about politics and the direction of the country, well, that's sort of a big deal and definitely a reason to celebrate. And to earn my highly-coveted endorsement.

Congratulations, Mr. Obama. The people of Johnson County - and now I - believe you're The One. Don't fuck it up.

My presidential pick

2008-01-03T00:05:00.000-05:00

So, I thought I'd weigh in before the Iowa caucuses and go on record with my pick for the next President of the US of A. It's a biggie, this election, which is why a celebrity such as myself needs to put out an endorsement to try to sway as many undecideds (or wrongly-decideds) as possible.

But here's the trouble.

First of all, I've been way too busy to follow every detail of every campaign as closely as necessary to make a truly informed decision. And if you haven't noticed, there are a bazillion fucking candidates, so even someone trying to follow every detail would have to make a full-time job of it.

Second of all, I've done a lot of those online polls where you can vote for your values and then find out at the end which candidate you match up with best. And every time my top pick is the nutjob from Cleveland. But I can't seriously endorse a candidate who looks like an elf. Or believes in them.

Third of all, there is nobody among the top three or four Democrats who really stands out to me and makes me say "That one there! That's my woman/man!" I haven't yet decided if that means that there are no great candidates in the mix or if it means there are several equally great candidates in the mix. But either way, I'm not excited about anybody.

Fourth, I'm not in Iowa or New Hampshire during an election cycle for the first time in my life. Which means, unfortunately but thankfully, I haven't seen a single ad from anyone yet. Not that I decide who to vote for based on ads, but the ads help me decide who I might not want to vote for. If candidates run especially nasty ads, for example, they turn me off. But not all negative ads are nasty. Some of them bring up really important points against other candidates that TV-watchers might not hear other places, depending on the types of television shows they watch. And, very occasionally, candidates come out with ads that are inspiring or clever or just plain slick, which can help a little. So, while ads need to be evaluated through a very dense filter, they can be helpful. But I haven't seen any, so I haven't been helped.

Lastly, the top three candidates on the Dem side have gotten endorsements from some key people, which doesn't help me at all. My graduate school mentor came out in favor of Clinton, some Iowa City political activists I trust and admire are supporting Obama, and my parents will be caucusing for Edwards. These are all people I would gladly take cues from, but they've sort of cancelled each other out. Thanks for all the help, y'all.

I've asked myself the following questions to try to help me decide. Number one, does running a slick campaign deserve my vote? If so, I'd lean toward Clinton. In the early stages of the campaign, anyway. The rollout of her announcement and the stuff right afterward was pretty genius. I didn't see much of the Edwards or Obama stuff, so Clinton wins by default, even though I suspect she'd win this category anyway.

Number two, does possessing a vagina deserve my vote? I'm undecided on this point. Certainly Vagina-Americans need to have some other qualifications to hold the highest position in the land, but it is tempting to root for the first viable female candidate in American history. At least to root for her to be good. Which I'm not convinced she is. All I can commit to saying is that if I decide to base my vote on vaginal ownership, I'll probably go for Clinton.

Number three, can I stand a southern accent like John Edwards'? 'Cause I know he does a lot of work for poor people, and even though his haircuts are kinda expensive, I know he cares about the little guy. And that's important to me. But he just sounds irritating. That statement is rooted in a northern/midwestern bias against southern accents, and in no way do I think it reflects the great diversity of intellects among people with southern accents. Bill Clinton, very smart. George Bush, not so much. But, whether it makes me an ignorant bitch or not, people with southern accents have to work harder to win me over than others do. And I'm not sure he did. Based on tolerability of accent, Obama or Clinton would take this one.

Number four, how much experience is enough? Because if experience matters, I don't think Obama has enough of the right kind. He will, but I don't trust his gut yet. Maybe in another four years. On experience, it's Edwards or Clinton. People might argue that Clinton has roughly the same experience in the Senate that Obama does, but I call bullshit on that. We all know she was involved in a lot of stuff while Bill was running the show. Which isn't necessarily a point in her favor, 'cause a lot of questionable shit came out of Bill's reign. But at least she's got experience doing stuff.

Number five, is it more important to vote for the most progressive candidate or the one I think has the best chance of beating the Republican for the job? Clinton actually would lose both of those, in my opinion. I think she's the least progressive of the top three, and she might just carry too much baggage. If I vote most progressive, I think I go with Obama. If I vote best chance to win, I think I go with Edwards. And then I remember that Obama gave a platform to friggin' Donnie McClurkin and start to rethink the whole progressive thing. So, I guess Edwards wins this one.

So, where does this leave me? With a toss-up, that's where. So what does a celebrity like me do when pressured by the masses to endorse someone for President in 2008? I mean, this my Oprah moment, so how do I figure this all out? Is there an answer? I think there is.

Trust Iowa.

That's right. I will put my trust in Iowa. I used to live there and have personally and often witnessed the thorough deliberation Iowans put into the caucus process. They take this shit very seriously, they ask the tough questions, they weigh things very carefully. At least the ones in Johnson County, anyway.

So, perhaps I should be more specific. I will put my trust in Johnson County Democrats to choose who I will endorse for President. Whoever emerges victorious after the caucus in Johnson County will get my support. It's not that I don't care enough to do my own research, but I know that thousands of people in the Hawkeye State are doing it for me. So I'm going to give it up to them and have faith that they will pick someone deserving of my very important endorsement. It's the least you all deserve!

Fingers crossed, and I'll weigh in on Friday.

Gender Blank as a superhero

2007-12-30T00:21:00.001-05:00

I went here and turned myself into a hero of some sort. I got to choose all sorts of things - skin, nose, companion, colors, insignia and pretty much everything else you see there. Note the hairy legs. And the hair in a low ponytail. And the gray cat. I never wear shirts that fitted, but mostly everything else is spot on. Except the weapons. I'm not into weapons. Also, I don't have an aura of leaves following me around. I don't think.

Saturday cat blogging

2007-12-29T21:00:00.000-05:00

Ernie and Gender Blank 12/28/07

Oscar and Ernie goin' at it. Again.

First Weigh-In (Round 2) - 12/29/07

2007-12-29T20:43:00.000-05:00

All righty. So I'm a couple days late with the first weigh-in. It took a couple of days to finally convince myself I was going to do this again, and today is Day 1. If you'll remember, my last weigh-in was back in July when I weighed in at 183.2. Then all hell broke loose and I started eating everything in sight. And this morning I weighed in at 197.5. So, that's a gain of 14.3 pounds since July. Shudder.

But I think I'm finally ready to start. Witness the contents of our refrigerator. Not completely empty of crap, as you can see by the labels, but pretty good. If there were no opportunity for eating any crap, I don't think I'd make it.

And here's tonight's dinner, worth 8 points. Mini turkey meatloaf, baked potato, steamed carrots, spray butter. Not a shabby start to this whole thing.

Weight Watchers tells me I should have 24 points per day at my weight, and I'm sitting at 19.5 right now. Much better than I thought I'd do today. I think my typical intake hovers around 40 points or so. I haven't been counting, of course (which was the problem, really), so that's just an estimate. But it's probably pretty close. I don't meet many foods I don't like. Or that I can't cram down, anyway.

So, we're off (again)! I'm looking forward to not feeling bloaty in about a week or so. Gotta give it time to work its way out of my system.

I'm looking forward to next week's report. See you then!

Book Reviews

2007-12-26T03:03:00.001-05:00

So, I finally finished The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. I started it way back at the end of October, I think, so it's about damned time. I liked it from the beginning, but I got sidetracked by having to read a different book for my book club (that review a bit later) right in the middle of it. Also, I only read right before bed, and I had been going to bed long after MonkeyPants was asleep, and it bothers her to have the lamp on, and I haven't yet found a book light that's worth a shit. So, I spent several weeks not reading anything at all and just playing Bejeweled before bed. What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't take my tardiness in finishing the book to mean that I didn't enjoy it.

Because I did. Like, a lot. So much so, in fact, that I put up with a shitty book light the last several nights just so I could keep reading. I was actually holding the book in one hand and the light in the other, shining down the page as I read because no position allowed by the clip-on feature lit the whole page at once. I might as well have been using a flashlight. But you make accommodations for things you love, and so I did.

If you haven't read it, it's about a white girl whose mother dies when she is young and who grows up being mistreated by her father. After springing her black nanny from jail, the two flee their home and go in search of answers about the girl's mother. They end up staying with three black beekeeping women in a pink house. The story is told against a backdrop of 1964 civil rights struggles in the south and ends up being a story about the feminine divine, the power of sisterhood, and the healing power of love. Which sounds like it came right off the book jacket, but it didn't. I think it came from inside the book somewhere.

Anyway, Sue Monk Kidd is the kind of writer I enjoy. She is inventive with the language, she fully fleshes out her characters, and she believably tells a story from a specific voice - in this case, the voice of a fourteen-year-old girl who she admits is not much like herself at all. The longing and the aching in the book were palpable. I felt that character. I identified with that character despite growing up in the 80s in the white midwest with two great parents. That's how expertly crafted the book was. Two thumbs, way up.

Contrast this with that fucking book I had to read for the book club, which, unfortunately, ended up being The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. Now, I admit I'm no fan of the romance genre, so I was not excited about the book from the start. Also, I'm not a fan of books that become movies featuring James Garner. Just as a general rule. So The Notebook was going to have to work very hard to win me over.

But, as I'm sure you've guessed by now, it didn't. The story itself was okay for the most part, except that it was a sappy romance with an unbelievable subplot about true love conquering Alzheimer's. It's just that the writing was so different from pretty much anyting else I've read. And by different, I mean horrible. Absolutely uninventive, no creativity, no sophisitication. He did this. Then she did that. Then they went there. Then she said something. Then there was an awkwardly written sex scene. Then they cried. Then she got Alzheimer's. Then he saved her. I think I vomited syrup.

But as bad as the book was, I thought the movie was worse. And here's the weird thing - I was irritated that the movie was so different from the book, and I hated the book! Isn't it a sign of a shitty book when the story has to be changed so significantly to still end up being a shitty movie? Of course, I couldn't say any of this to my book clubbers (all two of them) because the announcement of The Notebook as our selection is what got them there in the first place. No, instead I said things like how different it was from most things I read, how I didn't really enjoy the writing all that much - fairly benign stuff. I didn't want to shit on a book they really liked and risk them not coming back again. My hope is that we can get a group of six or eight so there might be someone else who can shit on a book they really liked so I don't have to do it. And if someone decides not to come back, it will be no big deal. But for this first meeting, I played nicey nice and only sort of gave the book a thumbs down. In reality, it deserved about four thumbs down. But that's just my opinion.

Our next selection is The Devil Wears Prada, which I hope draws a bigger crowd. At least I know I already like the movie. White-haired Meryl Streep. 'Nuff said.

And while I'm reading that, I'm also going to start one of the books we got from Mama MonkeyPants for the holiday. Wanna help me pick? The choices are A Thousand Spendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers, Atonement by Ian McEwan, and Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister by Gregory Maguire.

Also, anyone know of a good brand of book light?

Remember all the stuff about fatness?

2007-12-26T02:11:00.001-05:00

Well. Last year at this time I decided to do someting crazy and start an online journal of my weight loss, knowing full well that people I actually know in real life would be reading it. I thought that if people were keeping up with my progress, it would encourage me to actually stick with it. And it did, so yay on me for the brilliant idea.

I reported a weekly weigh-in every Friday, and after six months of doing Weight Watchers (without meetings), walking, and reporting to you folks, I had lost 30 pounds. I was starting to feel good in my body again - strong, athletic, much less likely to die of a heart attack.

And then I moved. MonkeyPants and I took moving week off from Weight Watchers on accounta we knew we'd be eating all kinds of naughty things while in transition. But we sorta forgot to start up again. I started working and found that I didn't have the time to blog like I'd hoped (or, rather, that I was too exhausted to make time for the computer - the desk job was so much more conducive to blogging!). And I didn't feel like cooking at the end of the day, either. And I didn't feel like counting Points. Or walking. And also there are vending machines right upstairs.

So, you see, it was just a perfect storm, and I was the brave captain going down with the ship. There was no fight for survival, no rising above...in fact, there wasn't a whole lot of anything but eating going on.

And so I am both sad and happy to report that tomorrow (or later this morning, actually) I officially start considering going back on Weight Watchers. Happy because I haven't felt this motivated to do anything about my fat ass in awhile. Sad about the twelve-pound (or more) weight gain that is necessitating the motivational search.

I will weigh myself in the morning and report the damage directly to you. Well, first to MonkeyPants, as she is my partner in the whole dance, but then right to you all. And I know that none of you really gives a shit whether or not I am fat, but I will feel more inspired knowing there are witnesses. And by inspired, I mean under tremendous pressure not to disappoint you all by failing, again, to attain a patriarchally-approved body (even while sincerely believing that everything that comes with the Patriarchy's stamp of approval is either illusory or just plain evil - but that's my baggage to haul around...four devoted readers can't erase thirty years of cultural brainwashing as easily as you might think.).

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you all for existing, 'cause without that, I couldn't rope you into the whole witness gig. You don't have to do much, really. Mostly it's just saying "keep it up" and "that's okay" and "you're fucking fantastic" every few weeks. I'm pretty easy to take care of. Unless it's me doing the caretaking.

That felt like a breakthrough moment.

See you tomorrow!

Finish the thought

2007-12-18T02:29:00.000-05:00

Phydeaux has tagged me with this meme from pidomon:

I Never...eat at McDonald's...liked reading when I was growing up...wear a thong...thought I'd live in New York...wear navy blue and black together...color my hair anymore because it covers up the gray...slept with a boy...learned to juggle like I promised...sent about eight wedding thank-yous - is eight years too long?

I Rarely...shop at Wal-Mart (and wouldn't ever do such a horrid thing if we had more options in this town)...dress to impress - I leave all the impressing to my winning personality...believe in myself enough...wear makeup - I average about once every two years or so...trust other people enough...leave the apartment on Sundays

I Cry...when people do nice things for other people...when my students make me proud...and when my students disappoint me...at sappy television shows...when my family leaves...when I laugh too hard...more often than a grown woman should...less than I used to

I Am Not Always...straightforward...as patient as I would like to be...as organized as I could be if I spent a tiny bit more time at it...in the mood to joke...fair to people who subscribe to stupid ideologies...a perfect radical feminist...prepared for the things 18-year-olds say...busy like I pretend to be - sometimes I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle

I Lose...umbrellas, like, all the time...packs of gum...pens I really like...touch with way too many people because I put off writing or calling until the point at which it will be too awkward to write or call...weight, every few years or so...hair, unfortunately

I'm Confused...by people who foam at the mouth to try to get poor women to have babies they can't afford and then treat those women with contempt when they need help affording those babies...by poor people who vote for Republicans...by earbuds...by the Burger King giant head...by people who don't ever consider that other people exist in the world...by people who think that Reagan was awesome

I Miss...being uncritical of and excited about Christmas...my nephew, who calls me Meathead...my athletic body...having evenings free...cornfields...Jose Ole mini chicken tacos...good ranch dressing...New York City

I Need...to go back on Weight Watchers...hugs...naps...blogs...students to go the fuck home...crossword puzzles...reassurance...more sleep...financial security...winter boots...to see Bobbi and Rachel...to pee...plenty of lead time if my plans are gonna be changed...to go to the dentist...Phydeaux to kick me in the pants every few weeks

I Should...go back to bed...put more time into about twenty different projects...stop bitching so much...finish The Secret Life of Bees already...fire someone I will probably continue to barely tolerate...be better at confrontation than I am...watch less television...quit eating meat altogether

I LOVE...Tivo...books - reading them, shopping for them, talking about them, looking at them on the shelf...MonkeyPants...animals who snuggle...my family...eating...PhotoShop... newspapers...coffee ice cream...bad 80s movies...being pleasantly surprised...having my faith in people restored by silly things...planning junk...saving money...making people laugh...buying things on sale...nature from a distance...getting up early and then taking a nap before lunch...quiet hours

So, I met my challenge of getting this post up within two days of getting tagged. I won't tag anyone else because I would hate to heap that kind of pressure on you, but I encourage you all to play!

Thanks, Phydeaux, for the kick.

The big trip to the City

2007-11-30T23:08:00.001-05:00

So, my family drove out to New York for Thanksgiving week, and we went to New York City for a day and a half. And in that day and a half, I took 349 pictures. Well, actually the first two pictures in the set are of my cat, Ernie, sitting on the computer at home. She was just too much sitting there all cute while I was getting the previous 220 pictures off the camera. Much like she's sitting there all cute as I write this. So, I really only took 347 pictures in the City. But that's nothing to sneeze at. Several of them are blurry as hell on accounta the bus would lurch forward just when I pushed the button. And some are dark because I guess I just don't understand cameras. Even with all the helpful little pictures on the dial. Oh well.

The trip, by the way, was fabulous despite getting rained on. My father and I rode on top of that damned bus in the rain and saw the hell out of that town! I was right when I said a few posts back that the sheer magnitude of the place might be overwhelming. But it was strangely unintimidating. The buildings were effing huge, and there were people everywhere, but I absolutely loved the energy. And I was expecting, on accounta of growing up in Iowa and only knowing what the teevee told me about the place, for people to be walking around guarding their shit. But they weren't. I saw several people who would've made great candidates for a purse snatching, just walking along talking on cell phones with their purses and bags dangling over their shoulders on two fingers. In that sense, it looked just like a regular city. Without the capital C. And it didn't smell nearly as bad as I thought it would. So that was good.

The weather was really an interesting part of the whole thing. It was rainy and cold the day we went, but at 5pm, it got noticeably clearer and much warmer. It was like all those buildings exhaled at quitting time, and the rush of heated air and people out into the streets was enough to warm the place up at least twenty degrees. I went from wearing a winter coat, scarf and gloves at noon to walking around in jeans and a polo shirt at 6pm. It wasn't warm exactly, but it was warm enough.

Oh, Manhattan, Old Girl, how I loved thee, and how sad I am to have to admire you from afar until I save up enough money to be able to step on your island again. 'Cause that's one thing that turned out to be just like the teevee said. You ain't cheap.

Anyway, here are some of my favorite pictures from the trip. And Ernie from the night before.

Ernie

I took this one mostly for my friend Bobbi. It makes me laugh in a very uncomfortable kind of way. You may need to enlarge to see the words in the window to see why.

This is the two-year-old who traveled with us. Effing doll. Other tourists actually took pictures of him with that monkey leash on.

Central Park. We didn't go in very far because we had a lot of shit to cover in a day, but what we saw was nice.

My favorite tree in Central Park

Just a pretty building somewhere on the Downtown loop

This is where I think all my people were hanging out that day.

Empire State Building

Empire State Building looking all Ghostbuster-y

The last one of the Empire State Building, I promise.

'Cause no one ever takes a picture of her ass.

I may post some others after I edit them a bit, but we'll see. This is three posts in two days, after all. I gotta work my way back into the routine slowly.

An update on which celebrities I look like

2007-11-30T23:00:00.000-05:00

So I uploaded a way more recent picture, and this crop of people seems to be a bit more representative than last time I tried it. Still no Bette Midler, though.

Okay, Smarty

2007-11-29T15:16:00.000-05:00

Care about world hunger? Think you have a big vocabulary? Then go here. The very worst that could happen is that you get a vocabulary test. The best that could happen is that you feed the world. With your brain. I have never felt better about knowing words and junk.

Out of the mouths of freshmen...

2007-11-29T15:13:00.000-05:00

Here's one for the quote wall:

"Why would I be drinking in my room? I'm in sweatpants!"

I've gotten a solid two weeks of laughter out of that one. So I guess I should be thankful.

Ah, freshmen.

My celebrity look-alikes - WTF edition

2007-11-06T00:43:00.000-05:00

All I have to say is...WTF? I haven't even heard of five of these people. Most of them are sorta pretty, two of the people on this list are Asian, and one is Meg Ryan. I look similar to exactly none of them.

You know who I get compared to most often? Bette Midler. Strangely she didn't make the list. Perhaps it was the picture I used. Or maybe it's only because I'm funny and swear like a trucker that she comes to mind when people think of me. It's a mystery (although my mother has been told that she looks like Bette Midler, too, so perhaps it's in the genes).

But Meg Ryan? I mean, come on! People who know what I actually look like have to be scratching their heads on that one.

h/t to Portly Dyke

'Cause Phydeaux said I had to post something...

2007-11-05T23:50:00.000-05:00

Greetings, dear readers. Sorry to have left you hanging for, as Phydeaux pointed out, over a fortnight. That is clearly unacceptable, and I apologize.

It's just that this job makes me fucking tired. Dealing with 200 freshmen and their decisions makes me tired. Steering a staff of 19- to 22-year-olds who mostly only care about themselves makes me tired. And dealing with 15 mostly-way-younger colleagues makes. me. tired. But I asked for it, and for the most part I enjoy it, so I should quit my bitching.

What I need is a vacation. And I'm gonna get one in a couple of weeks when all these yahoos go home for an entire week and are replaced by my parents, my sister, and my 2-year-old nephew. We'll be hopping a train into New York City and doing all the typical touristy things (Empire State Building, Ellis Island, Central Park, etc.), red buses and all.

For some reason, it makes me teary to think about me, a fat girl from Iowa, standing in Central Park. I grew up across the street from a cornfield that would fit into Central Park several times over, so the magnitude itself is overwhelming. But even more overwhelming than that is the fact that I grew up across the street from a cornfield. In Iowa. In a town of 979 people. And I'll be in New York Effing City, which always kind of represented "getting out" to me. When you grow up in the Midwest in a working class family, going someplace of the caliber (and distance) of New York City is often a dream but rarely a reality. Aside from my mother, I can't think of anyone else I know from my hometown who has been there. So, perhaps I'm just a country bumpkin, but this is kind of a big deal to me.

It will also be my first time on a train. Apparently I don't get out much.

But until that vacation comes (after which I will need another vacation, natch), I will be putting up with all the usual shit. I got to hear my first alcohol violation cases today (not that we haven't had them, but I am new so I wasn't cleared to hear them before this week), and we had a marijuana bust tonight. By the end of the week I will have chosen two new staff members (from a very weak pool), and I am organizing a mocktail party/winter formal for all the freshmen on campus with a budget of approximately zero dollars. Oh, and some kid put popcorn all over his roommate's shit - under his sheets, inside his pillow case, in his shoes - for no apparent reason. What the fuck is that?

To top it all off, our book club selection went from bad to worse. Instead of The Devil Wears Prada, we're going to be reading The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. Which feels a bit like cheating on real books. Seriously, I feel a little ashamed.

I have a feeling the next alcohol violation will be mine.

P.S. Thanks to Phydeaux for the kick in the pants. Sometimes I need that.

What I'm gonna read next

2007-10-15T23:38:00.000-05:00

So, based on all the feedback I got from all of you, I should be reading The Secret Life of Bees next.

However, I'm starting a book club for the freshmen on campus, and I had a whopping one person show up to the interest meeting (and she received a personal verbal invitation from her RD, so she sort of had to come). And we decided, this one student and I, that we needed to pick our first book strategically - with that strategery aimed at getting more people to the first discussion, after which we can introduce some books we'd be more interested in (she actually wanted to start with Shakespeare, but I guided her away from it by saying that'd be a sure club-killer at the beginning, which is probably true, but the real truth is that I don't want to read Shakespeare).

So, for our first book, we're going with The Devil Wears Prada. Simply to get people (women, mostly) in the door. I'd like to say we'd then throw some Wicked and Poisonwood Bible and Middlesex at them, but if they're coming for Prada, they probably won't be interested in Elphaba. But a girl can dream, can't she?

Anyone else read this book?

Just the type of girl I am

2007-10-15T23:28:00.000-05:00

What type of girl are you?!!
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Nerdy Girl

Nerdy Girl

88%

Hippy

75%

Athletic Tomboy

50%

Loser

50%

Popular Bitch

25%

Slut

25%

Goth

19%

Preppy Girl

Yes, big surprise that I'd rank as a nerdy girl. Or a hippie. Or an athletic tomboy. Of course, I'm apparently just as much a loser as I am a tomboy, so whatever. The good news, and my parents would be so proud, is that I'm only 25% slut! (Honestly, I don't think I break into double digits on the slut scale, but I didn't write the quiz. There's obviously someone out there better able to judge my sluttiness, so judge away.)

What type of girl are you? (I can't wait to see just what kind of girl Phydeaux is...)

National Coming Out Day 2007

2007-10-11T23:14:00.000-05:00

I don't really feel like telling my whole coming out story right now (on accounta it's late and I just got done telling it to real live people), but I wanted to have a post to mark the occasion.

So here's the abbreviated version: I've been out and proud (and scared and exhausted and...) since April 30, 1997. For those of you who didn't throw a giant party that day, you may not remember that April 30, 1997 was the airing of the infamous "Puppy Episode" of Ellen - the one where she finally admitted what her mullet had confirmed so many years earlier. I gathered some members of my overwhelmingly Christian campus community together to "Come Out with Ellen" and announced to about twenty people (including some I didn't know) that I was gay. And despite occasional fear and frequent discomfort, especially in those early years, I've pretty much never looked back.

To celebrate my tenth (!) National Coming Out Day, here's a list of people I'd like to thank for helping me along the way:

1)MonkeyPants - I couldn't have made this journey without her love and support and patience and nurturing and humor and laughter and cute face propping me up. One set of footprints and all that. She's the perfect one for me. It's just rules.

2)My amazing family - they've taken MonkeyPants in as one of their own and have given us so much monetary and emotional support over the last twelve years that it's sort of not fair. I usually don't feel like I deserve to have gotten so lucky. Plus, my sister, who is five years younger than I am and grew up in the same small and closed-minded town I did, got a rainbow tattoo on her back when she was sixteen to show her support. How fucking cool is that?

3)PJK - my counselor at college who was the first person to ever hear me come out. She helped me negotiate some very rough transitions and very possibly helped save my life. And she certainly inspired me to pursue a career working with college students. And to top it all off, she performed our commitment ceremony. And wrote me a letter of recommendation to graduate school. She really couldn't get much cooler.

4)Terri - one of the few souls at college who embraced me exactly as I was. She was the first true ally I had.

5)Jess C. - the first woman I knew who wore her hairy legs confidently. She'll probably never know what an impact that had on me.

6)Bobbi and Rachel - the first gay couple we were truly friends with. They accept and love us unconditionally and have been so important in our lives. We're truly lucky to have crossed paths with them.

7)My graduate department - they provided the first true "safe space" for me and helped me find my voice. And then they gave me a degree. And a job. And then they gave my mom a job. So they're pretty much tops in my book.

8)The afore-mentioned Ellen - she took a huge risk - and paid a huge price for it - by being honest and declaring and defending her gayness. She was the first celebrity I ever saw come out of the closet (some had just always been out, some were outed by others...and some just weren't on my radar at that time). She was a huge inspiration for me and helped nudge me onto my path. I probably could have done it without her inspiration, but I don't know if I would have.

9)All the other people who have walked with me on this journey - there are many. I'll probably remember eleven of them as soon as I log off. I hope they all know who they are. And that they're not mad that I forgot them.

Anyway, happy Coming Out Day, everyone! And thanks for lettin' me be me.

A Republican over Hillary?

2007-10-02T17:08:00.000-05:00

Go here to find out with which candidate for President you have the most values in common. There are only eleven questions, so the quiz is far from comprehensive. And there were a couple of questions for which I had two viable answers and one question for which I didn't want to choose any of the available answers. So, I'm not putting a lot of stock into the whole thing and what it means.

And yet...

I found it not at all surprising that my values are most in line with Dennis Kucinich and second most with Mike Gravel. I always seem to gravitate toward the lefty nutjobs who can be politically honest because they have very little to lose for it. What I found most interesting was that the candidate with whom my values are third most consistent was a Republican.

What the effing aytch?

Now, Mike Huckabee is pretty decent for a Republican, but let's get serious, folks. Ain't no way he's better than all but two of the Democrats.

So I tried a little experiment. I went back and took the quiz again and changed the answer to one of the questions for which I was trying to decide between a couple of the available options (mandatory caps on carbon emissions versus investing in alternative energy sources - they both seem important to me). The new results put Bill Richardson as my number three.

And then I tried it again, changing back to my original answer on that question but changing my answer on one of the other tricky ones (does it really matter to me if the candidate has been a governor versus a senator or a representative? Not really). This time Barack Obama popped up as my number three.

And that is comforting to me. It was really messing with a core part of my identity to find myself with a Republican in my top three. So I was pleased that I shared NO values with Sam Brownback, Duncan Hunter, Tom Tancredo, or Fred Thompson. Because they're pretty big tools.

But here's what's most distressing to me after taking the quiz three times. No matter how I changed my answers around, Hillary Clinton never shared more than three values with me*. Out of eleven. Now, I'm no math wiz, but that's pretty bad.

'Cause I really, really, really want to be able to vote my values in every election, but I also understand how important it is to keep Republicans out of office in this next election, which makes me more likely to support whoever ends up being the Democratic candidate. And at this point it's looking like Hillary just may be that candidate. In addition to feeling distressed that I may have so little in common, value-wise, with the next President, I feel a little distressed that I have so little in common with Hillary. Because, for whatever reason, I keep wanting to like her. I want to be able to root for the first viable female candidate for the highest office in the country. No matter how much she disappoints me, I remain unwilling to kick her to the curb. Kinda like I was with her husband back before my feminist sensibilities were so defined. What is that all about, anyway? I keep trying to convince myself that she really doesn't believe the things she says but insists on saying them so she'll get elected, at which point she'll turn into the socialist feminist superhero I deserve to have as my President.

Anyone think that's likely?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Anyway, go take the quiz and see who you'd vote for if you were voting strictly on your eleven values.

*In case you're curious about my breakdown, here it is based on my last attempt (out of a possible score of 11):
Kucinich (11)
Gravel (7)
Obama (4)
Richardson, Edwards, Dodd, and Paul (3)
Clinton, Biden, Guiliani, Huckabee, and Brownback (2)
Romney and McCain (1)
Brownback, Hunter, Tancredo, and Thompson (0)

Did feminism ever happen?

2007-10-01T23:28:00.000-05:00

Wanna barf a little? Read this article from the Iowa City Press-Citizen. That should do the trick. If you're too lazy or scared to click the link, I've done you the supreme courtesy of republishing some of the ickiness right here. Get a load of this.

"I’ve always wanted to be in Playboy,” said [Kim] Mueller, a 22-year-old sociology major from Mundelein, Ill. “I think women’s bodies are really pretty and deserve to be shown off,” she said. “I think it’s empowering for women.”

Where the eff are these young women's minds? Exactly how, I ask, is displaying the most vulnerable parts of the most degraded bodies "empowering" for anyone besides the voyeur? I mean, I think women's bodies are really pretty, too, but taking pictures of them and putting those pictures in a magazine like Playboy does nothing but turn human females with pretty bodies into nothing more than objectified sex receptacles, which is pretty much the exact opposite of empowering. Young women are fooling themselves if they think men are respecting the hell out of their pretty female bodies, not to mention the minds and souls that are part of the package. No, the minds and souls can be easily discarded, leaving nothing but a pretty picture to which millions of men will soon be beating off. Those two-dimensional glossy bodies may get pearl necklaces out of the deal, but they won't be the respectable kind.

In a stunning blow right to the solar plexus of the feminist movement, after initial skepticism and disappointment, Mueller's mother is finally really excited for her daughter to objectify herself. It's every mother's dream, really, so I guess I understand. But it's no big shocker that Mueller's boyfriend "has been even more supportive." In fact, and I know you'll find this nearly impossible to believe, he's the one who heard about the audition and urged her to give it a try! What a nice young pimp he's turned out to be, sharing his girlfriend's body with the world like that. Take this boy home to meet your mother, Ms. Mueller. They both seem to have your very best interests at heart, and I'm sure they'll get along famously.

I'm also a huge fan of Playboy's recruitment tactics, decorating a suite at the Sheraton in black, gold and pink. 'Cause you know as well as I do that the only way to attract a hot college woman is to paint something pink. Actually, now that I think about it, that probably is the best way to attract the kind of women who think Playboy is totally neat-o. They've so easily swallowed the Playboy punch that I'm sure they've been taken in by the Power of Pink, too. I just hope they don't break their stilettos in their enthusiastic rush toward all that empowering nakedness.

Cynthia Kaye, the stylist on site interviewing these young women, thinks this is some sort of resume-builder. “You really do feel like a celebrity when it comes out,” Kaye said. “I think it's something that you take with you.” Yes, it totally seems like something you might take with you, say, to a job interview. Or perhaps to have your teeth cleaned. Sadly, you may have no choice in the matter. 'Cause, unfortunately, your dentist and your potential new boss may have already experienced your celebrity status with you, Miss October. And you just can't put a price on that kind of empowerment.

Gender Blank's Reading Corner

2007-09-30T23:59:00.000-05:00

Are you a nerd? It's okay to admit it around these parts. I'm a nerd, and I married a nerd, so it will only make me like you more if you tell me you're nerdy. Not Weird Al nerdy, but into-books-and-intellectual-conversations nerdy. I don't find a pocket protector all that sexy, but I suppose it would depend on who was wearing it. But I digress...

Anyway, if you're into books, you can go here and vote for Book of the Year, as nominated by The Quill for their Quills Book of the Year contest. I admit that as nerdy as I am, I've not read a single one of the books on this list. Because of that, I don't feel it's right to throw in my two cents. But feel free to throw in yours if you've got an opinion.

By the way, I just finished The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. I know this is far from being a new release (I'm only about twenty years behind the times), but it was a recent purchase for me (along with Alison Bechdel's Fun Home, which I have yet to read). I felt I should read it on accounta its feminist underpinnings, but I gotta tellya, I was disappointed in the ending. I hate it when a book ties up the end of the story too neatly (I'm looking at you, J.K. Rowling), but geez Louise! What the aytch happened to these people? We're talking severe subjugation of women here - severely restrictive dress codes, a breeding caste, etc. - so I'd like to not have to infer the main character's fate. 'Cause in the dystopia of Gilead, that fate could have been anything (sorta like in the bizarro dystopia of the U.S. under GWB, where people die 'cause the boyking is too stubborn to admit defeat and I-can't-fucking-believe-they-just-did-that moments happen all too frequently, only this ain't fiction). And the whole academic conference setting of the appendix felt out of place. I'm sure a zillion people liked it, based on the fact that it won some awards and shit, but the ending just wasn't my cuppa tea. Apparently I need a bit more direction. Your thoughts?

Also, what should I read next? I've got Fun Home calling out to me, but I've also had the following books on my interest list, all for different reasons:

Snow Flowers and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
Empire by Gore Vidal
The Arrangement by Elia Kazan
The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards

Anyone read any of these? Your guidance is appreciated. I know it seems that a self-proclaimed nerd ought to have read some of these (and the ones on that other list) by now, but I got a late start. I didn't really start reading until I was in graduate school, so I'm way behind. I gots me some catchin' up to do.

Happy October, all!

What I'm listening to tonight, 9/30/07

2007-09-30T23:43:00.000-05:00

Take a listen to this song from "Shine," Joni Mitchell's latest CD. She sounds like a cross between Nina Simone and Billie Holiday. With a little Macy Gray thrown in. Her voice is smoky and sexy, and I simply can't get over it. Rowrrrrrrr!

How well do you know the United States?

2007-09-29T02:05:00.000-05:00

Here's a little quiz fulla questions (only 25) taken from the new naturalization test to become a U.S. citizen. I missed three, resulting in a score of 88%. Not my best work, for sure, but I'm not in jeopardy of getting yanked outta the country or anything. I can think of about fifty people I saw today about whom the same probably cannot be said. And I think I only saw about fifty-two people today.

Oh, if only some of them could get yanked outta the country for being stupid. Is that really too much to ask?

See? I'm all growed up!

2007-09-24T23:03:00.000-05:00

You've Experienced 72% of Life

You have all of the life experience that most adults will ever get.
And unless you're already in your 40s, you're probably wise beyond your years.

How Much Life Experience Do You Have?

I especially appreciate how they put a purty picture of a random heterosexual couple at the top of this. 'Cause that, like, totally represents my life experience.

h/t to Phydeaux for the quiz.

Flighty diversion

2007-09-24T12:08:00.000-05:00

If you're bored, go here. You can test your virtual paper airplane flinging skillz against the rest of the virtual nerdworld. At the time of this writing, including my dozens of attempts, over 97 million virtual planes have been launched. 97,244,699 to be exact.

My furthest (farthest?) fling was 74.185 meters, which is easily longer than I've ever tossed a real live paper airplane. That puts my global rank at 16,813th. That's right, folks. You're reading the blog of someone who has a global rank in something. Bask for a second in my reflected glory. It's okay.

All right. Stop basking now and go fling your own damn planes. Blessings on the camels of the first person to report a fling that beats mine.

Growin' up. It's about fucking time.

2007-09-23T22:53:00.000-05:00

So. I s'pose it's been awhile. Too long, in my opinion, but shit's been happening.

As I may have mentioned about a bazillion times, I hated my job (and most other things) in New Hampshire, so MonkeyPants got a new job and we up and moved to New York. I secured a job as a residence hall director and am now fully immersed in a type of prison wardenry for over 200 freshmen. I'm responsible for leading a team of seven RAs to some sort of residence hall glory and, most importantly 'round here, for busting the shit out of the douchebags who do stupid stuff to the physical structure and the living beings in my hall.

That's right, folks. The girl who just wants to be liked has a job that virtually requires her to be unliked by at least some of the people some of the time. Hell, some of the people won't like me all of the time. But if I bend to please them, then a whole other crop of people won't like me. Catch-22. Nature of the beast. Blah, blah, blah.

I spent the entire month of training crying and asking myself why in the world I thought I could do this job. I, one of the world's biggest introverts, spent a month forcing a smile and an enthusiasm that didn't exist, and my ass was tired and depressed at the end of each and every day. I pretty much gave myself a year at best. 'Cause I wanted a job where I could deal with people one-on-one, not one where I had to get up in front of 200 people at once and talk about all the shit they aren't allowed to do in the place I live. I wanted a job where I could talk about ideas and books, not lobby decorations and dining halls. Things were looking pretty grim.

But then the strangest thing happened. The night before we opened the hall to all the 18-year-olds and their parents, I was overcome with an extreme sense of calm. I thought, all of a suddenlike, "I think I can do this." And then I just started doing it. I knocked off all my scary events (like that all-hall meeting) one by one, and I started being able to breathe again. And I found that I wasn't all that scared to confront students when they were out of bounds. Even when they were only slightly out of bounds, which is pretty good for me. I pegged myself as the type (based on prior experience) who would look the other way for as long as I possibly could, hoping the douchebags would just knock off whatever it was they were doing, just so I wouldn't have to deal with it. Or, more importantly, so I wouldn't make anyone mad at me. As it turns out, I don't give a shit if some 18-year-olds are mad at me. Huh.

I also thought I would hate, hate, hate having to have difficult conversations with my staff members when they were being immature or irresponsible. But I had to do that pretty early on, and that wasn't so bad either. In fact, it turns out that I'm pretty good at it. I broke my wildest mustang in no time flat, just by being direct and genuine. He is by no means perfect, but he is manageable and responsive. To me, at least. Other people will have to break him on their own. I can't save the whole fucking world.

In the midst of this inner transformation, I started carrying a professional bag. It doesn't ride as well or carry as much as my trusty backpack, but I feel that I earned it. How fucked up is that? I didn't not carry a professional bag before because I couldn't find one good enough for me; I didn't carry a professional bag before because I didn't feel I was good enough for one of them. I felt fraudy. Like everyone could tell that I'd rather be carrying a backpack. Like people could sense that I had no idea what the hell I wanted to be when I grew up.

Well. I still can't say with certainty that I know what I want to be when I grow up, but for the first time I feel I'm on the right path to find out. Gender Blank is growin' up, folks. It's about fucking time.

Back among the living

2007-08-05T17:26:00.000-05:00

Greetings, all! I just wanted to let you all know that I have landed safely (though not uneventfully) in New York and have finally been granted access to the tubes again. It was a painful week of withdrawal, especially since I didn't have television access for the majority of it, either. Dark times for me. I'm amazed I emerged on the other side, to be truthful. Didn't know that I had it in me.

Actually, I kind of enjoyed the break. I wasn't expected to know anything of or be able to talk about popular culture or political shenanigans from the week prior. I had no idea what everyone in the blogosphere was talking about. I couldn't be expected to act on anything sent to me via e-mail. It must be like what it was like in pioneer days. The only shit I had any idea about was the shit I was actually present for, and if I wasn't present for it, it simply didn't happen. It was a peaceful retreat. Quite boring, but peaceful. Now I get why all the dipshits of the world operate the way they do - it is so much more blissful if you don't know about (or can pretend not to know about) all things over which I so regularly get outraged. Ignorance is bliss, indeed.

But ignorance and bliss ain't gonna do jack shit about changing the world, so it's back to the reality-based community for me. I'm willingly taking the hit to my Bliss Center in order to be a more informed and interesting party guest. And also on accounta shit simply cannot continue as it has been for the last several centuries. And I didn't appear any more blissful to MonkeyPants during my Week of Bliss anyway, so I might as well get the fuck back to work.

Of course, there are several real life things impinging on my bliss right now that reading Shakesville or watching House Hunters wasn't liable to help much anyway. But that's what happens when you start a new job that is completely different from anything you've done in the past. And I get to live rent-free, so I will stop my bitching right about now.

Anyway, I don't know how regular the posting will be over the next few weeks. I'm in training, and then we're training RAs, and then we open the halls and have to deal with all sorts of freshman shit (goddess, I hope not literally, but probably literally). I will post when I can, and when I'm struck to do so (which is often). But the next few weeks will be spotty. Just so you know.

Pirate this blog!

2007-07-26T12:11:00.000-05:00

My pirate name is:

Bloody Jenny Cash

Every pirate lives for something different. For some, it's the open sea. For others (the masochists), it's the food. For you, it's definitely the fighting. You're musical, and you've got a certain style if not flair. You'll do just fine. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

I specifically told that damned thing that I don't like to fight. Also, the formatting is all fucked up on this thing everyplace I've seen it. Don't have time to mess with it anymore.

Arr!

I'm never watching TPIR again

2007-07-25T11:20:00.001-05:00

Drew Carey? Seriously? I can't stand that guy! He's not funny, but he sure thinks he is. That's the worst. I broke up with an otherwise pretty decent person for the same reason. Sure, it came out later that she was a lying manipulator, but at the time I just thought she was extremely unfunny, and her constant attempts to prove otherwise by laughing at her own jokes, ba-dum-bum-style ("HOHhhhhh!"), drove me fucking nuts. It was a break-uppable offense. That's how much funny, or at least understanding funny, means to me.

Which is why I will never watch The Price is Right again. Not that I watched it a whole lot before, but it's off limits now.

But Drew Carey's failure to 'get' funny isn't even the worst thing. No, folks, it's true. There's one thing that trumps unfunny in my book. It's pretty grotesque, but all my sources have confirmed it. Drew Carey supports Republicans. And that, my friends, is virtually unforgivable. There are very few people I know in real life who are Republican-supporters who have managed to stay off my shit list. But they have had to be amazing fucking people in every other respect, or at least be related to me by illegal gay laws, for me to keep talking to them. And then it's only kind of grudgingly. It's like befriending a Death Eater, very nearly. Only they're not killing people. But they are supporting an administration and a party that thinks killing people, so long as they're brown and living above an oil supply, is A-OK. So back to the Death Eater thing.

And there we have it. I refuse to watch shows hosted by Death Eaters. I'm drawing a line. A line I actually drew quite awhile ago, back when I found out Patricia Heaton and Kelsey Grammer were Death Eaters and couldn't look at them the same way again. So, I'm re-drawing the Death Eater line. Zero tolerance from me. I'm trying to protect our country here.

Blog note

2007-07-24T23:13:00.000-05:00

Greetings, my lovelies.

I just wanted to let you all know that I will be taking a bit of a blog break over the next week or so. I'm in the middle of moving my household two states away, and this packing shit is kicking my ass. And I suspect that the unpacking, seeing as how it will coincide with starting the new job, will also kick my ass. Just a guess.

So, posting is gonna be light. Or non-existent. But just for a week or so. Or maybe longer, depending on how shit goes.

See you soon!

Oh yeah...any of you have a scanner you love? I'm lookin' to get me one of those, so if you have any recommendations, I'd sure appreciate hearing your advice. I've been a fan of the Epson brand, but I have a tendency to become unnaturally attached to things and thought I might be able to benefit from y'all's perspectives and expertise. I'm lookin' to scan photos and articles, if that helps you tailor your advice.

Thanks!

What I did with my weekend

2007-07-16T16:14:00.000-05:00

Wallis Sands State Beach, Rye, NH

For our twelve-year anniversary, MonkeyPants and I went to see the ocean. We figured it might be awhile before we got back there since we're moving out of the state in two weeks. Apparently a gazillion other people were having anniversaries, too. This picture doesn't adequately portray just how many people were at this fucking beach.

The crowd was quite a disappointment after visiting the ocean with my parents in late December when we were the only ones there. Global Warming had given us a beautiful day at the beach in December in northern New England. That time it looked like this:

Those are my parents.

Anyway, there's almost nothing that compares to seeing the ocean and getting a chance to reflect on your own smallness and the world's bigness. I suppose that's scary for some people, but it helps me put things in perspective. Plus, it's cool for two fat chicks from Iowa to be able to look out over something so vast (that doesn't involve corn).

So, happy twelve years, MonkeyPants! Thanks for the ocean!

Dick. I mean Motherfucker.

2007-07-13T15:43:00.000-05:00

An afternoon with Photoshop ain't always a happy one.

Friday Weigh In, 7/13/07

2007-07-13T13:50:00.000-05:00

Weighed in at 183.2 this morning after having our "free night" a night early. I was 182.8 yesterday, so that's not too much damage. And I was 183.8 last Friday, so that's a loss of .6 this week if we go by today's weight, and a loss of a whole pound if we use yesterday's weight. So, I think I'll use yesterday's weight. 'Cause I fucking can, okay?

And as for our "free night?" Not worth it. Pizza Hut, as it turns out, is much more enjoyable for the people on the teevee than it is in person. We have found that almost every "free night" is a disappointment. It's much better in the anticipation than in reality. I kinda can't believe we used to eat that kind of shit all the time and liked it. It must be part of the fast food addiction or something. Like, when you're in it, you don't notice that everything tastes like shit and makes you feel all bloaty. But after you've been eating food prepared with real, mostly healthy ingredients, you really taste the hollowness of the stuff the corporations prepare for you. Makes you wonder what the hell they're putting in that other shit. I suspect that not all of it is actually food.

Anyway, 214 - 182.8 = 31.2 pounds since January. Yippy skippy, and congratulations to me.

Happy weekend, all!

A little weekend music, 7/13/07

2007-07-13T13:22:00.000-05:00

And the iPod shall be called...

2007-07-13T12:21:00.001-05:00

Thank you all for your wonderful submissions in the iPod naming game. There were some great suggestions and lots of hand-wringing on my part. It was a tough choice, but I've settled on a winner.

The first suggestion, which came via e-mail, was "Virginia." "Virginia Higgleswiggle," to be exact. But we already have an item named "Virginia" in our collection. It's a handmade, sorta creepy-looking doll that a quilter friend made for me, and we put her in our glovebox for protection on our journeys. I'd take a picture to show y'all, but somehow she ended up in the house, and we packed her already. Maybe in a few weeks.

I liked the suggestion of "Mork" because of the pod reference, but I tried it out and just couldn't bring myself to think of this beautiful creature as a "Mork." Plus, I feel very strongly that this iPod is female (oh, I hope, I hope!), though I haven't had it sexed. For that same reason, "Ishmael" is out. Which is too bad, because Ishmael was one of the only books I actually read as an undergrad on accounta it was one of the only ones I liked. I know the reference was from Moby Dick, but Daniel Quinn's book is so much cooler. Anyway, sorry guys.

I was pretty excited about "Pasha," despite it being derived from a male name. According to Wikipedia, anyway. So I was leaning heavily toward "Pasha" for a significant amount of time. Like at least a day, until MonkeyPants and I were walking into my workplace past a bunch of trees that looked like they had pea pods hanging from them. "Pea Tree," we said. And then we looked at each other and said, "Petrie!" And then she cheated and submitted "Petrie," nearly ensuring that she would win. Very shrewd, that MonkeyPants.

So, "Petrie" it was. For a couple of days. I used the name, but I wasn't really connecting with it. Plus, I thought it was too close to "Petey" (the PDA). But I was willing to let it grow on me, generous host organism that I am.

"Petrie." "I gotta grab Petrie." "Have you seen Petrie?" I tried.

And then one fateful night, which started just like a bunch of other nights, MonkeyPants and I were playing a little Trivial Pursuit. We were deep into an epic battle (being pretty evenly matched in the useless knowledge department but getting shitty questions for pie) when an answer or question with the word "Pip" came up. MP said, "What about 'Pip?'" And I said it was too bad I knew a douchebag nicknamed "Pip" when I was younger. So she said, "What about 'Pippi?'"

I had found it. The Name. Her Name. "Pippi." It feels right.

And if there is any doubt about how cool a name "Pippi" is, let the women at Hoyden About Town explain it.

So, thank you all again for the inspired suggestions. You gave me lots to consider, and I wanted to honor all of you in some way for participating because I appreciate the spirit that each of you brings to GBWI. So, please give a warm welcome to "Pippi Virgina Mork Ishmael Pasha Petrie Longstocking." "Pippi" for short. I couldn't have done it without all of you.

But I'm still not gonna be a circus performer, Amy.

Activism alert - lazy edition

2007-07-12T09:37:00.000-05:00

Interested in any of these issues?

Tell Your Representative: Start Bringing the Troops Home
Tell Your Senators: Close Guantanamo
Tell Congress: Save Habeas Corpus, Restore our Constitution
Tell Your Representative: Repeal 'Dont Ask, Don't Tell'
Tell Sen. Obama: Stop Supporting Dirty Coal
Tell Congress: Send Scooter Libby to Guantanamo
Tell Steve Jobs: Unlock the iPhone!
Support Green Energy Legislation
Support Solar Energy in Pennsylvania
Don't Let AT&T Ruin the Internet

If you want to take action on any of these issues, go to ActForChange, the online activism system of Working Assets. Tons of petitions to sign, and you can send letters to your congresspeople with a few clicks. It's activism for the lazy. Right up my alley. I've already told my congresspeople three or four things that are on my mind today, including the fact that I think Dick Cheney ought to be impeached. I also signed the Live Earth Pledge at Al Gore's urging.

Now I need a nap.

Google has a fucked up view of weight

2007-07-09T11:28:00.000-05:00

So I added a widget to my Google homepage to track my "moving average" weight. It's called Google15, and their blurb about it reads thusly:

"The Google 15 encourages you to get on the scale every day by calculating a moving average from your daily weight. We then plot this average alongside your daily scale weight and a goal weight that you set--this gives you a better idea of your weight trend by masking most of the day to day noise that variances in water weight introduce."

All well and good, although I'm skeptical of anything that encourages one to get on the scale every day. I mean, I get on the scale every day, and often more than once a day, but I know that's not healthy. I mean, when I'm making decisions about what kind of snack I can eat based on what the scale says at 8pm, that's not right. Rationally I know this. But, as I have found over time, I am not a rational dieter. My overall behavior is pretty sensible and healthy (I am in no way starving myself), but I often have to cycle through some pretty dysfunctional thoughts before settling on that sensible behavior.

Plus, it seems to be calculating the "moving average" over a week's time, giving you today's weight, yesterday's weight, and your weight a week ago. So it seems to me that if you want to filter out the variances in water weight, you should just weigh yourself once a week. Or only "count" it once a week, which is what I already do. And it's what diet experts* recommend.

Anyway, I entered my daily weight over the last week, and because I am three tenths of a pound heavier this week than last, I got the dreaded "Danger! You're heading away from your goal!" message. The goal weight I entered, by the way, was a maintainable and healthy 155 pounds.

But this Danger! message got me wondering about Google's idea about reasonable progress and healthy goal weights. So I added the widget again, put in a goal weight of 95 pounds, and entered my weight for the last two days. I happen to be two pounds lighter today than I was yesterday, on accounta that day to day noise that variances in water weight introduce. I got this message: "Good work! You're on your way to your goal weight." No warning that 95 might not be a sensible goal weight.

Which got me wondering what would happen if I put in a ridiculously low goal weight. Not that I think 95 isn't ridiculous, but I know I live in a culture that thinks that isn't all that unreasonable. Fuckers. Anyway, I entered a goal weight of 42 pounds, and got the Good work! message. WTF? And I forgot to mention that the "submit" button you click after entering your weight says "I'm Feeling Healthy." A healthy 42 pounds.

So, I've determined that the Google15 is an anorexic's dream come true. Something that will encourage every single person, including disordered eaters, to get on the scale every day and tell them that they are making good progress toward even a deathly low weight. How lovely.

Google's description of this revolutionary gadget ends with this gem: "Enter your weight every day and it will give you an early warning if you start to pack on the pounds!"

Message to Google: STFU. Stick to shit you know about.

*I went to WeightWatchers.com to confirm that they recommend a weekly weigh-in (which they do), and I found a link called "Get Your Athlete's Body Back." I thought, "Sweet!" 'Cause I used to be an athlete, and the thing that I hate most about being so overweight is that I don't feel powerful or in charge of my body like I did when I was an athlete. So I was hoping to find some extra special tips for people like me, only to find a picture of a dude with a football and an article about guys who used to be athletes but have put on weight. "The athlete is still there inside you, and you can liberate him," it tells me. And "Men slowly lose muscle mass as the years go by." What about me? My inner athlete is not a dude. But at least it's right about one thing: "Working out with a much younger or stronger guy is a surefire route to frustration, discouragement or even injury." And I can see that. I feel that way about doing most things with men.

The one with all the swearing

2007-07-08T22:00:00.001-05:00

I discovered something last night. In July in New Hampshire, birds start chirping at 4:19am. How do I know this? Well, 'cause I was still awake at 4:19 this morning. Not by choice, of course. I was in bed, the lights were out, and I was trying my damnedest to get to sleep, but shit kept popping into my head. None of it was related, but it was all apparently enough to keep my brain churning until 4:56. Here's a sampling of the shit that keeps me awake at night.

First, via PortlyDyke, a person named Jan calls herself a lifelong Democrat but has a surprisingly small heart. She resents that people make her feel that she "owes" illegal immigrants something. I understand that people feel all sorts of ways about sticky issues, but I guess I just can't help but be disappointed when they seem so fucking proud of a stance that actively shits on people who are already under a heaping pile.

When the fuck are the impeachment proceedings going to start? 'Cause it's about goddamned time. Will the Democrats surprise me and put the good and the will of the people ahead of their own political futures? Please? Will they realize before it's too late that those very futures are jeopardized by their inaction? Just please fucking do something.

And related to that, can we get a goddamned candidate for president who inspires me for once? I'm tired of saying, "Well, I guess I'm behind so-and-so." I want to fucking be behind so-and-so and feel good about it. And not be embarrassed to tell other people about it.

Can Dumbledore really be dead? And who the fuck is R.A.B.?

John Travolta is getting on my last fucking nerve lately. He's adamant that there's nothing gay about "Hairspray," despite its underbelly being gay all over. Wev. And he seems to think that Richard Gere and Tom Hanks owe him something because he passed on some roles they ended up totally owning. And he's a fucking Scientologist, which is just too goddamned nutty to be taken seriously.

It is fucking damp in here. We might as well be camping! But at least it's fairly cool. Especially for July. Fucking global warming. Or cooling. Or whatever. But it ain't right. I should quit using so many paper towels. Ed Begley, Jr. rocks. But I bet he's a pain in the ass to live with. That's what I would be like if I had the money and weren't so lazy. I gotta take the recycling out.

I should not have eaten all that shit today.

Mmm...spinach dip.

Hey! Only two more weeks at my job. Rock the fuck on. I hope they don't try to do anything special as a send-off. I hate special send-offs. A handshake and a "Good luck!" will suffice. Shit. They're gonna do something. And since I'm the goddamned secretary, they'll probably make me organize it. Fuckers.

I need to post something tomorrow. It's been nearly a week. I wish I had something really insighful or rageful to contribute to the blogular universe, but all I got's John fucking Travolta. God, I hate him.

Just the type of liberal I am

2007-07-02T11:27:00.000-05:00

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Working Class Warrior, also known as a blue-collar Democrat. You believe that the little guy is getting screwed by conservative greed-mongers and corporate criminals, and you’re not going to take it anymore.

Take the quiz at www.fightconservatives.com

Name this product!

2007-06-29T11:45:00.000-05:00

So, I bought one of these the other day. The iPod, not the hand. It was a completely unnecessary purchase, and, frankly, I'm surprised that I didn't have a heart attack at spending so much money. I must have really wanted it, 'cause I was very easily talked into it. And it's hard to talk me into spending money on anything over five dollars.

Anyway, the rule around our house seems to be that if something costs more than $100, it gets a people name. There are a few exceptions, as the television and a few other products are still referred to by their product names. But we've had cars named Ellie, Chuck, Lucy, and Sylvie. My scooter was named B.B. (short for Bella Bleu). The PDA is named Petey. And the Sansa mp3 player is named Santa (pronounced Sanna).

But so far, we haven't thought of a good name for the new iPod, and it's so fucking cool that it deserves a name. Going with the Petey and Santa process (giving names based on product names), we considered Poddy. But its homophonic partner ruled that one out. We also considered Ippy, but that was just dumb.

So, I'm opening it up to you, dear readers, for suggestions. I should be careful about this, as the last time I left something open for a vote it was decided that my next job should be as a circus performer. But I'm taking a leap of faith and putting it in your hands. Don't let me down*.

*Amy, I'm lookin' at you here.

Friday Weigh In, 6/29/07

2007-06-29T11:06:00.000-05:00

Break out the champagne, folks, 'cause Gender Blank is 30.4 pounds lighter than she was in January! Wahoooo!

I weighed in at 183.6 this morning. Rock the fuck on. But the best part of it all is the following three things, in no particular order:

1. The last time I went shopping for clothes, I got to look on the non-Fat-Lady side! And I bought two belts, which I wear nearly every day. Not at the same time. But belts!

2. When I see my reflection in glass doors, I can now see the muscle that runs down the front of my shins. What is that, the shin muscle? Wikipedia says it's the tibialis, but you just can't trust that source. I think it's called the shin muscle. Anyway, I can see my shin muscles, which have been hiding out for a few years, tucked away under a nice, thick sheath of fat. Welcome back, girls!

3. I walked up the stairs from the second floor mailroom to my seventh floor office yesterday! In one stretch! By the time I got to the fifth floor I was feelin' it. When I got to the sixth floor, I considered taking the elevator for the last floor. But I didn't want to look stupid or lazy, so I trudged on. When I got to the top, I hung out in the stairwell for a few seconds trying to catch my breath. And I was still trying to catch it as I walked down the hall to my office. And a minute later when I walked to the bathroom. My lungs felt a little like they were about to explode, but what a grand feeling! I haven't taxed my cardiovascular system like that in years! It really did feel like shit, but I felt morally superior afterward, so it was worth it.
What chaps my ass about the whole thing, though, is that some douchebags who are trying to promote health (which is not a bad thing) placed stickers on the front surfaces of the stairs with sayings like "Take the Stairs - Your Heart Will Thank You" and other such shit. Four stairs out of every fucking flight. First, do they think people just don't know that taking the stairs is good for you? We got the memos, and thanks for the heap of guilt. 'Preciate it. But, more importantly, you can only see those stickers if you're already on the stairs! If you really want to lecture people about their health behaviors (which I don't recommend, 'cause it makes you an asshole), wouldn't the elevators have been a better place for those stickers? Kee-rist, people, use some common sense!

Anyway, as they say on Celebrity Fit Club, the scales don't lie. And this morning the scale took one look at me and said, "Congratulations, kid. Y'ain't quite so fat." That scale. She says the sweetest things.

Happy weekend, all!

Who needs men, anyway?

2007-06-27T12:09:00.000-05:00

So, it looks like men are slouching toward irrelevance once again. 'Cause, see, researchers in Germany were able to take bone marrow and create something rather sperm-like. Which means, as you could very well guess, that women everywhere will kick their men to the curbs any minute now. Any minute now. Just you wait. Any minute now all those bitches are gonna shit all over the Nice Guys^TM who have done nothing but love them and take care of them. Bitches.

MSNBC contributor Brian Alexander is clearly worried about just such a situation. After acknowledging that all the fear-mongering about women making babies without Teh Penis is silly, he still comes out with this gem:

"I just want to know why you women are in such a rush to get rid of us. Sci-fi and fantasy literature are full of all-female societies like Wonder Woman’s home island. New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd penned a friendly little book in 2005 called “Are Men Necessary?” Are you trying to give us a complex or something?"

He goes on to say that men are nearly irrelevant now, what with all the neglect they experience at the hands of women who are interested in something other than men's every fucking desire. But he sees a place for a few lucky fellers down the road. "Frankly, you only need a small tribe of us guys equipped with porn magazines and plastic cups. You could feed us, groom us and give us a little exercise — pretty much like you do now," he says. Isn't it cute how he envisions himself as one of the Chosen Ones we'd keep around, well-fed and plied with porn? What I want to know, among other things, is why after this inevitable revolution women will STILL be expected to feed and groom men. Can women never escape this lot? Fuck you, sir.

He closes by offering a threat to women's currently oh-so-cushy existence, which, as we know, is supplied solely by these Nice Guys. "So ladies," he says, "laugh it up while you can because once those artificial eggs and the artificial womb hit the market, you’ll be buying your own dinners at Chez Francoise."

And he wonders why some of us are in such a rush to get rid of men.

PortlyDyke tagged me...fer real!

2007-06-25T22:29:00.000-05:00

Rules (per PortlyDyke): Each person posts the rules before their list, then they list 8 things about themselves. At the end of the post, that person tags and links to 8 other people; then visits those people’s sites and comments, letting them know that they have been tagged, and to come read the post, so they know what they have to do.

It's doubtful that I'll tag anyone, as I hate to be a nuisance, and I realize that not everyone likes to do shit like this. But here are eight random facts about me.

1. I was outed on the evening news when I was in college. Pretty good way to announce something to the world, I guess. This was in November of 1997. There was really no looking back after that.

2. I am horrible at tending to things. This is why I don't garden. Or decorate for the holidays. And why I have six closed (and four scarred) piercings. And an outdated MySpace page. And several abandoned hobbies. I am terribly resentful of things that require any sort of upkeep (except, strangely, for this blog).

3. My first fall-hard crush on a girl came in seventh grade. She was my chorus teacher. And there was one each on my seventh grade and eighth grade volleyball coaches. And my eighth grade assistant softball coach. And then another chorus teacher. And then an English teacher (who had been the eighth grade volleyball coach). A definite pattern. Oh, and I married that last one. Scandalous!

4. When something funny catches me off guard, I laugh real loud like a monkey. People turn their heads at this. Sadly, monkey laughs have been in short supply in New Hampshire. It's lookin' up for New York, though.

5. I have hairy legs, but I watch America's Next Top Model.

6. On my birthday in 2001, I stopped eating red meat with the intention of becoming a vegetarian. I was going to give up something every year until I was offa meat altogether. I never got beyond that first step. There's still hope, though.

7. I can't stand Ben Stiller. Or Bill Paxton. Or Jerry Van Dyke. Can't. Stand 'em. But I love Will Ferrell in spite of myself.

8. My favorite movies to quote are Stand By Me and The Goonies. They fit almost anywhere.

All right. That's it, folks! Please feel free to tag yourselves or leave your peculiarities in comments.

I heart Shakesville

2007-06-24T12:49:00.000-05:00

So, some fuckers have messed with my homies, and I'm prepared to throw down. Shakesville, which occupies the top spot on my blogroll, has been subjected to a DoS attack, and the site has been down for a couple of days. They're working to get it back up as we speak.

The current theories are that said fuckers launched the attack in response to either the post on the Brazilian yogurt company and their fatphobia or the post on how Jerry Seinfeld made light of rape. Of course, they say all sorts of controversial shit over at Shakesville (stuff like how women are people and other crazy shit like that), so it could have been anything that set off the latest Neanderthal attack.

Bark Bark Woof Woof has a roundup of other people writing about the issue. If you care about free speech and kicking silencing fuckwits in the crotch, go give these people some traffic. They're missing their beloved community as much as I am. You can also check out Shakesville's old site, Shakespeare's Sister to get an update and give Shakes and her crew some love.

In the meantime, I noticed some rape joke fights on the tubes on which I need to go weigh in. My work around here is never fucking done.

New blog rating

2007-06-22T15:12:00.000-05:00

I made it! I graduated to NC-17! I knew I had it in me.

This latest rating is based on the use of:
fucking (7x)
suck (3x)
crap (2x)
asshole (1x)

I'm still unclear on why "suck" and "crap" are so bad, but I'm proud of the rating, so I'm not going to split hairs.

See ya later, crap suckers!

Friday Weigh In, 6/22/07

2007-06-22T14:30:00.000-05:00

Zippity fucking doo-dah, folks! I'm back on the WWagon, and this week's weigh in reflects that. My previous low, adjusted for the new scale, was 184.5. This morning I weighed in at 184.3. And then I raised my arms in triumph. And I prolly did some sort of dance. 'Cause that's what I do. I'm very entertaining.

For those of you who haven't been following the progress, I 'fessed up last week to having fallen off the Weight Watchers wagon (WWagon) and both enjoying and hating it. It was approximately three weeks of food chaos, and the scale didn't keep the secret. Fucking scale.

Anyway, we got back into the groove last Tuesday or so and have been following the plan pretty rigidly. We nearly doubled our walking route and made healthy choices for dinner, and it felt good. I would have been happy even without the dramatic loss this week (which I suspect is partly due to dehydration), but it's nice to get the numerical pat on the back.

So, that makes 2.8 pounds this week and 29.7 overall. I'm shootin' for the 30-pound mark for next week. I don't want to get too far ahead of myself, 'cause last time I did that I managed to gain three pounds over the following three weeks. So, three tenths of a pound it is. Anything more will simply be a bonus.

I hope you'll all be around to celebrate if it happens.

Happy weekend, all!

A little weekend music, 6/22/07

2007-06-22T13:12:00.001-05:00

How did you find me?

2007-06-21T16:48:00.000-05:00

So, I was perusing my site stats, and I thought I'd share with you how some people have stumbled upon this site.

For some reason, typing "free slutty trannies" (no quotation marks) into a search engine leads you, eventually, to this very blog. Now, I know I've never typed those words in that order (or even in the same post), and I think I only mentioned trannies once - in my blaming of the Florida town that sacked one of its employees for getting a sex change (or wanting one - I can't remember just now, and I'm too lazy to look). I delight in the fact that at least two people looking for free slutty trannies landed here. Suckas.

But someone also got here by searching for "I hate being a tranny." Which just makes me sad. But I'm glad that person ended up here just the same, and I hope this was a safe and welcoming space.

At least one person ended up here by looking for "assbaggery."

Some budding feminists (I suspect) found me by typing "choosing not to shave" and "painful high heels." You're welcome. Go forth and spread the good word, blamers! I've made a mental note to ask Twisty and some of the others if I get some sort of commission or a finder's fee or something. What's my recruiting quota, anyway? Anyone know?

Of course, people also found me by typing in things that make total sense. Stuff relating to gender or feminsm, food, music, and all the other stuff I typically talk about. I imagine those people find lots of other blogs in their searches as well. And I'm glad to share my travelers with those other blogs, 'cause I'm not selfish.

Except for one. I'm gonna keep the person who searched for "what happens if a person drink antifreeze" all to myself. 'Cause I suspect that person needs a friend. And I need a project.

My fucking blog rating

2007-06-20T08:33:00.000-05:00

So, I'm rated 'R' for using "lesbian"* and "suck." Curiously, there was no mention of the eff-word or "assbag" or any of the other colorful phrases I so lovingly craft for my dear readers' pleasure. What the hell do I work so hard for if it's not going to be recognized?

It's kinda like Homeland Security ignoring all my subversive activities. I figure if I'm not on a no-fly list, I'm not doing my job. And if I can't get anything stronger than an 'R' rating on this goddamned thing, I'm just gonna hafta work harder. Please fasten your seatbelts while I ratchet up the vulgar.

Fucking cheers!

*Apparently my very identity is vulgar to some people. Assbags.

All I really need to know I learned from Fraggle Rock

2007-06-18T15:57:00.000-05:00

1. There exists a class of people on our society who do all the hard work.
2. There is another class of people who come along and eat that work. And then dance all day.
3. The class of people who do the work is not the class that gets revered; the dancers get their own television show.
4. The Dance Class thinks fat people are ugly and stupid and should be avoided.
5. Be careful of what you throw away. Trash heaps talk.
6. Always plug the holes in your wall. You never know what will come out.

Some of these things are unfortunate but nonetheless true. Some of these things are just good common sense.

Who you rootin' for?

2007-06-18T14:37:00.000-05:00

Go here to see how your values and priorities match up with those running (or considering running ) for President of the United States. I was surprised a bit at how mine turned out. Specifically, I was surprised that Al Gore was so far down my list.

This is the second time I've taken this quiz over the last three days. My results were a bit different percentage-wise this time, but the overall ranking is, I believe, identical to the previous ranking. It points to the test not being a perfect metric, as there are only two choices for priority (high or low) and often two opposing choices for answers to the questions, neither of which has much nuance. But the quiz is better than most I've seen, and I encourage its use for entertainment at the very least.

For me, it is making me do some more reading about the candidates, and that's never a bad thing.

My Results:

1. Theoretical Ideal Candidate (100%)
2. Dennis Kucinich (79%)
3. Barack Obama (79%)
4. Alan Augustson (77%)
5. Joseph Biden (71%)
6. Hillary Clinton (70%)
7. Christopher Dodd (68%)
8. Wesley Clark (66%)
9. John Edwards (66%)
10. Al Gore (63%)
11. Bill Richardson (59%)
12. Mike Gravel (59%)
13. Ron Paul (43%)
14. Elaine Brown (43%)
15. Kent McManigal (42%)
16. Rudolph Giuliani (29%)
17. Mike Huckabee (28%)
18. John McCain (25%)
19. Mitt Romney (21%)
20. Tommy Thompson (18%)
21. Chuck Hagel (18%)
22. Sam Brownback (15%)
23. Newt Gingrich (14%)
24. Tom Tancredo (14%)
25. Fred Thompson (11%)
26. Duncan Hunter (9%)
27. Jim Gilmore (8%)

Friday Weigh In, 6/15/07 (The Neighbors Are Evil Edition)

2007-06-15T21:08:00.000-05:00

Shit, as they say, happens. And boy did it happen for me the last two weeks. Remember how I said the evil neighbors coerced me into going out to eat Chinese food and then forced a bunch of tasty-but-fatty food into my mouth? Okay, it didn't happen exactly like that, but I swear that's how my memory is trying to recast it.

Anyway, after the Thursday Chinese Episode, all Hell broke loose. We had a combined yard sale that very same weekend, a two-day affair that turned out to be fairly lucrative and concluded with end-of-day dinners out. Pizza the first night. Applebee's the second. And Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast that second day, too. By Monday, we were completely off the fucking wagon. So we just kind of went with it. We travelled to our new town to look at an apartment on Tuesday/Wednesday, and travelling always gives us license to eat horribly. We ate at Arby's, Ponderosa, the Latte Lounge, the Broad Street Grill, Quizno's, and a gas station. But I balanced it all out with a Fuze Slenderize drink on the drive home. Gotta do my part.

Then we played with the neighbors some more on accounta they were fixing to move on Monday, so we invited them up to grill, after which we went to Applebee's for their lava cake. And then a couple days later we had them up to grill again, and to celebrate all of us moving on, I consumed four amaretto sours. And the next night we picked up pizza. Somewhere in all of this, we also had breakfast with them at a local diner.

Not pretty.

I didn't report my weigh-in last Friday because I was embarrassed. Not by the weight, but by the sense of being out of control. It would have been different if all the food had been worth it, but it was mostly crap. Seriously, Combos? Come on. How good can bright orange cheez wrapped in a pretzel be? Meh.

In addition to the Hungry Hungry Hippo eating, we bought a new scale, and it weighs a pound and a half heavier than the previous scale. So not only was I actually heavier from all the food, but the scale read a pound and half heavier than that. So the result looked even worse than it actually was. I didn't feel like explaining it last week, so I just decided to shut you all out. Hope you weren't all left hangin' and shit.

So, what to do now? Well, if the new scale weighed things a pound and a half lighter than the other scale, I was prepared to keep quiet about that and let you think I had actually lost weight over the last two weeks. I'm not proud of that, folks, but it's how I am. But I'm also the type of person who rats herself out after she lies about most things, so I thought I might as well go the honest route to begin with. If I can't be honest with a bunch of strangers (and a few well-chosen and invited friends), well, then I would suck. And I don't wanna suck, so honesty it is. Lucky you.

To adjust for the scale differential, I'm adding a pound and a half to my starting weight. So instead of starting at 212.5, my official starting weight will now be 214.0. And today's weigh-in was 187.1, so that makes...let me see here...26.9 pounds overall. And a gain of 1.6 pounds since the 5/25/07 weigh-in of 184.0 (adjusted for difference in scales).

It hasn't been a good few weeks, but things are looking up. The neighbors got so sick of hanging out with us that they moved away, so now we're back to having no friends to go out with. It's not great for us socially, but it'll prolly be better for our diets. Kind of a shitty trade-off, but whaddayagonnado? Plus, we've secured an apartment in our new town, so we won't have to do any more travelling until the move. So, back on the WWagon we go!

I hope to have more promising news to report next Friday.

Happy weekend, all!

A little weekend music, 6/15/07

2007-06-15T21:04:00.000-05:00

Stuff on my cat

2007-06-13T12:12:00.000-05:00

Oscar was incredibly patient yesterday. So I thought I'd reward him with a little public humiliation. That's the kind of mommy I am. Ain't he cute in pigtails? Oh, the indignity!

I quit.

2007-06-12T15:00:00.000-05:00

That's right. I handed in my formal resignation yesterday, and six weeks from now, I will be a former secretary. Good goddess, that feels good.

Not that there's anything wrong with being a secretary - it's just not for me. The way that children and buffalo sauce are not for me (separately or in combination). They're perfectly fine choices for a person to make, but they give me indigestion. Likewise, secretary life makes me dyspeptic. Something about making someone else's photocopies and fetching food from the cafe that makes a master's degree feel dusty and hardly worth the debt.

So. Even though I'm not going to be using my particular degree in my new job, I will be getting to use my brain in a more intellectual way again. I will get to talk about ideas again. And values. And responsible citizenship. And making the world a better place. Stuff I care about.

I think I might even get a secretary*.

*And that secretary will be allowed to blog at work. Gotta pay it forward.

A four-point-oh in feminism

2007-06-11T13:10:00.000-05:00

You Are 100% Feminist

You are a total feminist. This doesn't mean you're a man hater (in fact, you may be a man).
You just think that men and women should be treated equally. It's a simple idea but somehow complicated for the world to put into action.

Are You a Feminist?

That test was totally easy. Of course, I've been studying for it for more than 30 years. Yes, in fact, I was a feminist right outta the womb. You can ask my mama. She'll tell you that I said to her, at the tender age of however old I was when I went to pre-school, that I was never going to get married because I wasn't going to have a man tell me what to do. I was just going to live at home and have babies.

Hey, I was in pre-school, folks. I got it half right.

Video corner - Mushaboom

2007-06-08T12:54:00.000-05:00

This is Feist with "Mushaboom." If you're prone to epileptic seizures, you might not want to watch this video. Also, I had a hard time getting YouTube to load today, so my apologies if it takes awhile.

A little weekend music, 6/8/07

2007-06-08T12:44:00.001-05:00

My musical life

2007-06-08T10:07:00.001-05:00

So, I realized today, while looking at my iTunes library, that I have acquired quite a bit of music in the nearly two years we've been living in New Hampshire. I think this speaks to my need for escape from a very unhappy New Hampshire existence. Or something. Plus, we belong to BMG, and they keep sending shit every month because we keep forgetting to decline the offers, and then we get tons of associated free CDs of our (fairly limited) choice. Also, I got an mp3 player, which I was convinced I didn't need or want, but which was gifted to me and which slowly started saving my life. And prompting me to buy more music. Which is cheaper than therapy, so there you go. Anyway, I thought I'd do a little survey of what has served as the soundtrack to my life over the past couple of years. It will indicate, without a doubt, that I am not a music snob.

Singles for which I shelled out 99 whole cents:
1. Weird Al Yankovic, "White & Nerdy"
2. Gilda Radner, "Let's Talk Dirty to the Animals"
3. Annie Lennox and Howard Shore, "Into the West"
4. Imogen Heap, "Hide and Seek"
5. Outkast, "Hey Ya!" - wanted to be funny and add to a travel mix
6. Regina Spektor, "Fidelity"
7. Roisin Murphy, "Ramalama (Bang Bang)"
8. Hansen, "MMMBop" - again, trying to be funny
9. Edie Brickell, "What I Am"
10. Hem, "Half Acre"
11. Kate Havnevick, "Unlike Me"
12. Eminem, "Welcome to Detroit" - not for me, I swear!
13. Nina Simone, "Mississippi Goddam"
14. "Strange Fruit", can't remember the artist
15. Gladys Knight, "Midnight Train to Georgia"
16. Anna Nalick, "Catalyst"

Singles I like that I got for free from iTunes or other sources (like toothpaste promotions)
1. Danny Elfman, "What's This?" - from "Nightmare Before Christmas"
2. John Mayer, "Waiting on the World to Change" - what a shitty message, though (don't wait...do something!)
3. Daniel Powter, "Bad Day"
4. Lily Allen, "Smile"
5. Amy Winehouse, "I'm No Good"
6. Chrisette Michele, "Your Joy"
7. Brandi Carlile, "The Story"
8. Jason Mraz, "The Beauty in Ugly"
9. Sufjan Stevens, "That Was the Worst Christmas Ever!"
10. Brett Dennen, "Ain't No Reason"
11. The Blow, "True Affection"
12. Paolo Nutini, "New Shoes"
13. Susanne Abbuehl, "In the Dark Pine-Wood"
14. Spektrum, "Don't Be Shy"
15. Teddybears (featuring Neneh Cherry), "Yours to Keep"
16. The Feeling, "Sewn"
17. Corinne Bailey Rae, "Put Your Records On"
18. Shawn Lee's Ping Pong Orchestra, "Kiss the Sky"
*many others downloaded but never listened to

CDs that BMG sent against my will because I was lazy:
1. Bruce Springsteen, "We Shall Overcome..." - not crazy about it. (sorry, Boss)
2. Five For Fighting, "Two Lights" - just sold this at the garage sale (some of the dumbest lyrics ever)
3. KT Tunstall, "Eye to the Telescope" - actually really like this one
4. Los Lonely Boys, "Sacred" - like this one as well
5. Matthew Sweet & Susanna Hoffs, "Under the Covers" - tried to sell this at the garage sale (no one else wanted it either)
6. Ray LaMontagne, "Till the Sun Turns Black" - super mellow, and I like it
7. Snow Patrol, "Eyes Open" - apparently music snobs don't like this, but I love it
8. Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Show Your Bones" - sold at the garage sale
9. John Mayer, "Continuum"
10. John Legend, "Once Again"
11. 2007 Grammy Nominees - on its way right now
12. The Killers, "Sam's Town" - sold at the garage sale
13. Dire Straits & Mark Knopfler, "Private Investigations" - sold at garage sale (I think)

CDs I purchased with real live money or got for free from BMG:
1. Soundtrack to "O Brother, Where Art Thou?"
2. Amy Winehouse, "Back to Black"
3. Anna Nalick, "Wreck of the Day"
4. Soundtrack to "Spamalot" - love, love, love
5. Cyndi Lauper, "The Essential" - already bored with this and skip over the songs when they come up
6. Death Cab for Cutie, "Plans"
7. Dixie Chicks, "Taking the Long Way" - love this
8. Feist, "Let It Die" - purchased yesterday
9. Indigo Girls, "Rarities"
10. Janis Ian, "Between the Lines"
11. Johnny Cash, "Complete Live at San Quentin"
12. Joni Mitchell, "Ladies of the Canyon"
13. Nina Simone, "The Definitive Collection" - bought this for "Mississippi Goddam" mostly
14. Soundtrack to "Wicked"
15. Patty Griffin, "Living With Ghosts"
16. Peter, Paul & Mary, "The Best of Peter, Paul & Mary" - sold at the garage sale (but burned "Lemon Tree")
17. Pink, "I'm Not Dead"
18. Tracy Chapman, "Tracy Chapman"

CDs gifted to me/us:
1. Indigo Girls, "Despite Our Differences"

I think there's more, but I'll have to consult my music list on my other computer to be sure. And check the CD cases at home for stuff we got that I didn't like enough to upload.

Woman=girl, just so you know

2007-06-07T14:30:00.000-05:00

Are they effing kidding with this shit? NEC Corp. is trying to appeal to "working women" with a pink, crystal-Hello-Kitty-adorned laptop. "PC users now tend to be men, but we're hoping to attract women with this product," says company spokesman Shinya Hashizume.

So there you have it. The way to attract women to a product is to 1)make it pink, 2)make it sparkly, and 3)put cartoon cats on it. Why? Because in the minds of patriarchal assbags everywhere, "women" are indistinguishable from "girls." And cats.

A little weekend music, 6/1/07

2007-06-01T14:50:00.001-05:00

Friday Weigh In, 6/1/07 (Ain't Happenin' Edition)

2007-06-01T11:14:00.000-05:00

Sorry, folks. There was no official weigh-in this morning. So you're gonna hafta wait a week to see if I hit the 30-pound mark.

Why this state of affiars? Well. It's like this. Our downstairs neighbors, who have been our downstairs neighbors for nearly two years, are moving in two weeks, and we've only recently discovered that we like each other enough to hang out. I'm not really sure why that is, though I suspect it's because we both assumed we wouldn't have much in common. Which turns out not to be the case. So, we've been spending our evenings playing with them, watching movies and such. And last night we asked them if they wanted to go to the farmers market in town, which we did, not knowing it was going to suck so much. We parked at the grocery store across the street and walked over to the market in the square. And then we went to the grocery store so the neighbors could scope out dinner options (we had chicken and mashed potatoes planned). Well, on the walk to the store, we caught a whiff of the Chinese buffet next door and commented on how good it smelled. I think you know where this is headed. Stef said they'd never eaten there. I remarked that we had eaten there only once on accounta seeing a mouse run across the floor. And we all agreed that a different Chinese restaurant was our favorite anyway. So we entered the store, whereupon the neighbors found nothing exciting for dinner. And then I, in an apparent (or transparent) attempt to sabotage this week's weigh-in, commented that I wouldn't object if everyone else* wanted to go to this other Chinese restaurant that was so conveniently located just on the other side of the square. And so we did, and it was delish.

And then on the ride home, Stef joked that we could go to the Dairy Twirl. After which Chris insisted that if we were to do such a thing, we would have to walk. To which I said that would be okay. And so we did that, too. And it wasn't as delish, but it was ice cream, so how can you really bitch about it?

So, after spring rolls and kung pao chicken and a chocolate shake (sounds like a great combination, no?), I decided that there would be no weigh-in today. It would be artificially high on accounta both the sodium and the sheer volume of food I consumed, which I normally do only after weighing in. So, it'll hafta wait for next Friday. Deal with it.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I have to admit that I suspected that this week's weigh-in would be distressing all the way back on Tuesday, when I decided at 10:30pm that my willpower was no match for the Hamburger Helper leftovers in the refrigerator. Five points worth. And then on Wednesday when I did it again. So it's probably fair to say that last night's sabotage was more (sub)consciously intentional than accidental. My apologies to Chris, who was trying to be good.

Next week I promise to be on my best behavior. I have a few pairs of shorts I haven't been into for a few years, and it would be nice to add them to the summer rotation. The stuff that fits me at this body size is not for summer wearin', and I'm too cheap to buy new stuff. And there ain't no motivation like sticky.

*This is what I do when I want something but don't want to take responsibility for wanting it. A character flaw, no doubt, but not one I'm likely to devote any time workin' on. Just part of the package.

Hair blogging

2007-06-01T10:11:00.001-05:00

For those of you who don't know me, this picture will mean nothing to you. Except maybe to prove that my claims to being blank of gender are bogus. See a previous post where I agree with you. I was gonna post a picture of my hairy legs to offset the girlie-ness of the hair, but the angle at which I had to take the pictures made my legs look like they belonged to an Oompa Loompa, and my vanity won out. You'll have to trust me. They ain't been shaved since October of 2005.

For those of you who do know me, this picture probably indicates a pretty radical shift from what you've known me to look like. I've done the long-short-long-short dance for years, but I had done the short thing since the summer of 2001, and most of the people I know in real life today are people I've met since then - and who I left behind two years ago when we moved to New Hampshire. (Which makes me think I'm not so good at keeping friends. Or making new ones. Hm.)

Anyway, just thought I'd share with y'all. It's about as close as this blog'll get to posting a photo of me. Next I'm gonna try to capture my gray streaks. I am quite proud of them.

A little weekend music, 5/25/07

2007-05-25T13:30:00.000-05:00

Friday Weigh In, 5/25/07

2007-05-25T12:17:00.000-05:00

Well, folks, it was bound to happen sooner or later. That's right. I didn't lose a goddam thing this week. In fact, I gained half a pound. And it was fun and sickening at the same time. We were traveling Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and even though we packed a satchel of Weight Watchers-friendly snacks, and even though there were Subways along the way, and even though we could have made wise choices in nearly every restaurant in which we ate, well, we chose to eat fun food. Or Friday food, if you will, since we normally eat that stuff on Fridays.

What's really kind of pathetic is that it made us feel bloaty and leaden, yet we continued to do it. It wasn't much physical fun, yet there was something very satisfying about the psychology of it all. Apparently there is still some work to do on that front.

And seeing as how it's Friday again, and seeing as how we have a $10 coupon at a restaurant that is having its Crab Fest only until the end of the month, we're going there with our downstairs neighbors tonight. So I expect to feel bloaty and leaden tonight, too.

Oh well. Back on the wagon tomorrow!

Happy weekend, all!

P.S. I weighed in at 184.0 this morning, making the overall loss 28.5 pounds.

Blog wars

2007-05-25T10:41:00.000-05:00

I'm in a funk. Seriously. I went out of town for a few days, and when I got back there were a bunch of posts to read, many having to do with the women of color (WOC) response to FFF (Jessica Valenti's book Full Frontal Feminism for those of you who don't live in the feminist blogosphere) and the response to that response. And I've been trying to catch up, but every goddam post leads me to about five other goddam posts, and then, just to make sure I'm being a responsible reader, I have to check out the comments on the posts because someone in about five minutes from whenever now is will be referencing those comments and tearing someone a new one. And one thing becomes crystal clear: I picked a shitty time to get behind on my blog reading. It is nearly impossible to stay even with this one. And more than that, it is mentally exhausting to try. And depressing on top of that. (I'm so tired, in fact, that I can't link to all the stuff to which I've just referred)

For those of you who are just joining the fun, here's a brief recap (from what I've been able to gather).

People With Concerns About the Book: "We think there are some issues that need to be addressed."

Jessica Valenti and Her Supporters: "Shut up."

PWCAtB: "We feel silenced, yet again. That is actually one of the issues we think needs to be addressed."

JVaHS: "Can you keep quiet just a little longer? Oh, and stop being jealous."

You get the idea. You can accuse me of losing important nuances in this recap, and you can accuse me of interpreting the situation through my own biased lens. Fair enough. If you want to read the Fun Feminists Are Always Right version, go visit Feministing. But, in my opinion, my version is more accurate. Not as flattering to white, middle-class feminists, but more accurate nonetheless.

And here's the thing. I feel like I should have something incisive to say about all of this, but what I really want to do is quit reading this shit altogether. 'Cause it makes me tired. I feel like there's a huge responsibility to do more for WOC issues, which wouldn't be hard since my baseline right now is at about zero. Sure, I think about the issues from time to time, and I get outraged with the best of them, but I don't actually do anything. I have the unearned privilege, on accounta my whiteness and my relative class comfort, of not doing anything about them and of not even thinking about them if I don't want to. I have the luxury of these issues not hitting me over the head from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed on most days. And I am cognizant of the fact that these issues do nothing but hit others over the head all fucking day long. This is why I have a responsibility to do more.

Which is why I can't just quit reading this shit. And why I need to read more of it. It's okay for me to feel bad about my privilege and my lack of activity on these issues. Hopefully feeling bad will be the kick in the ass I need to start doing actual work to make the feminist movement more closely reflect my values. Because in my perfect world, feminism is about eradicating the oppression of all people, not just white people, and not just women. The racist, capitalist patriarchy in which most of us live is unfair and oppressive to a lot of people, and it's not really responsible social activism to try to lift out only those who are most like us. We grow more when we listen to people who are unlike us, who come with different experiences, and who use different perspectives.

I am not going to save the world, and I probably won't make any meaningful contribution to people of color and their issues. I am not a Gatekeeper of Feminism, which, in my opinion, is the movement that shows the most promise of helping the most people. At most, I am a gatekeeper with a small 'g,' as all members of movements are. But, thanks to the Miracle of the Internets, I have as much access to the Gatekeepers as anyone else, meaning I can leave comments at the Big Blogs, engage in discussions, post and promote my own stuff, and read and promote the work by feminist bloggers of color. I can also have some real world conversations with real live people in my very own community. I owe it to all oppressed people to acknowledge that my liberation is bound up with theirs and to do what I can where I can with the privileges I didn't earn but which I nonetheless possess. Because that, in my mind, is the only way feminism can deliver on the promise to lift us all up.

We are all in this together. It's time we started listening to each other.

My attempts at listening have led to me adding the following blogs to my daily rotation. I encourage you to check them out if you haven't already. You may not like all of them (I'm not even sure I like all of them yet), but you won't know that yet. Be quiet. Observe. Listen. Learn. Act.

Taking Steps
The Anti-Essentialist Conundrum
Women of Color Blog
Having Read the Fine Print
The Unapologetic Mexican
The Silence of Our Friends